The language you use may be what you say openly to others.
Equally, it can be what you say to yourself internally. You can
use the precision questions described above to challenge
internal dialog and in so doing change your feelings and your
experience.
We are influenced by what we hear, not only what others say
to us but especially what we say to ourselves in our own inner
dialog. The questions we ask ourselves are especially significant,
as our unconscious mind loves questions and will work on our
behalf until it has found an answer. Remember those occasions
when you have forgotten a person’s name and asked yourself
who they were, only for the name to pop into your head several
hours later? Your unconscious was working on your behalf.
However, it will only do as asked. If we ask our unconscious
“Why did that job go so badly?” that is what it will search for and
that is what we will get. And what we will very likely get as well
is depressed! Whereas if we ask ourselves “What could I have
done differently and how can I learn from this for the future?”
then that is what we will get. With this we will move forward with
learning for how to be more successful in the future.
By having awareness of the questions we are asking
ourselves we can significantly influence the emotional state we
experience. Our state influences our reactions and our reactions
become habits—and habits determine our destiny. Surely it is
worth learning how to manage our questioning skills?I was once asked by the technical director of a software
development company to help him develop the presentations he
was sometimes asked to give internationally. When he
explained what he wanted, I discovered that it wasn’t help with
the design of the presentation, but help to manage his feelings
beforehand. Typically he could not sleep well for at least three
weeks prior to the presentation. He often felt physically sick on
the morning of the presentation itself.
We began to explore the conversations he had with others and
himself related to these presentations. What emerged was this:
“These presentations never go well. They expect me to
manage the material and all the technical demonstrations. Giving102 NLP AT WORK
Use questions to challenge
internal dialogYour unconscious works on
your behalf