NLP At Work : The Difference That Makes the Difference in Business

3 Our perception of what we are communicating is the same
as others’ perception of us and it is what we want.

This is the ideal. This is the desired state of increasing our
awareness of our metamessages so that we know what we are
communicating, we are aware of how that is being received by
others, and it is in line with our desired outcomes.

If our desired outcome is to be giving out “healthy”
metamessages, in other words to be creating the impression we
want in other people, there are certain beliefs that support this.
First, the meaning of our communication is the effect that it has. If we
blame others for their misunderstanding of what we intend, we
are not going to influence successfully. When we blame others
we let go of the possibility of increasing our awareness, our
sensitivity, and our flexibility. What we get is a direct result of
what we do, what we say, and the way that we do both.
To believe that the effects of what we do are a direct result of
what we are doing is to be open to continuous learning.
Everything that happens to us, every reaction we get, is the effect
of what we are doing and the way we are doing it. The opposite
of this is when you hear someone saying things like “That’s her
fault” or “That’s your perception” (as if it is wrong) or “Not my
problem” (when someone reacts to you in an adverse way).
Secondly, everyone has their own unique perception of the world. We
can go so far as to say that there is no reality, there is only

METAMESSAGES 139

The meaning is the effect

The beliefs behind “healthy” metamessages

My

perception

Others' perception

IN LINE

with what we

want