NLP At Work : The Difference That Makes the Difference in Business

THE MEANING OF THE

COMMUNICATION IS ITS

EFFECT

Responsibility

This belief can also be expressed as “the intention behind a

communication is not its meaning.” The principle operates at

many different levels. For example:

❏ Have you ever experienced a moment of frustration when

you have carefully explained an idea to someone and they

have misunderstood you? Or have you ever given feedback

to someone with the intention of helping them to learn and

develop, only to find that they felt angry about what you

said?

❏ At parents' evenings at school, sometimes I shuddered when

a teacher said things like, “This particular class are a difficult

group to teach, they aren't good listeners. They've got to

learn to pay attention.” This kind of comment indicates that

the teacher puts the responsibility almost entirely on the

pupils and hardly at all on themselves. And if I blame the

teacher then I am doing exactly the same thing!

❏ Have you ever appraised someone working for you in a way

that devolved all responsibility for their performance from the

way you were managing them? How do you think they felt?

Have you ever been in the same position? How did you feel?

❏ If you have a team working for you and they are achieving

results beyond the norm, that is a measure of your

management ability.

❏ If you have a colleague who won't cooperate with you, that

is a reflection of your influencing skill.

❏ If you have a child who won't “behave,” that is a statement

about your ability as a parent.

The other people in these situations have a part too! But you

are a part of the system. Something you do is allowing and

very likely even encouraging the response you receive.

The power in this way of thinking is that you take

responsibility for the responses you receive. If you don't get

the response you want at first, you find new ways of

communicating until you do. For example, if someone doesn't

understand you, you find a way of explaining your thoughts in

ways they do understand.

To believe that “the meaning of your communication is its

effect” means that:

248 NLP AT WORK