dealing, the more you will begin to be able to determine when
their state changes. Eventually you will be able to “calibrate”
these different patterns of behavior to the different states so
that you know what outward signs symbolize the different
states for your partner.
One of the surest ways of knowing that you have touched on
someone's values will be a skin color change. If you make a
proposal that meets the values and evidence of fulfillment for
the other person, they are very likely to blush. By matching
and pacing your partner's values and their evidence of
fulfillment you are building a deep level of rapport.
Understanding your own values is a way of beginning to
understand those of others.
Business people who listen with care and skill are still in the
minority. The people who have this ability are usually those
who generate immense respect and influence. And we usually
find that rapport is a major component of their ability to listen.
When you listen with rapport you are listening with your whole
body. Not only do you hear what the other person is saying,
you also gain insights as to what they are thinking and feeling.
You are influencing the interaction with your nonverbal
behavior more often than anything that you do. Tom Peters in
A Passion for Excellencesays, “Listening is the highest form of
courtesy.” Whole body listening can be the trigger that
influences someone to gain insight, to find their own solutions,
and to generate commitment to those solutions.
Contrast the difference between someone whose attention
is internal, on themselves, and someone who is listening with
their whole body, illustrated overleaf.
CalibrationDEVELOP A CLIMATE OF TRUST: RAPPORT 301