Stand outside of yourself and look and listen to how you were
being at that time. What is characteristic of you now? If you
were to tell someone else, how they could recognize you in this
state? What would you tell them?
One of the roles of a coach is to give this kind of feedback
to the person they are coaching. This involves watching and
listening to the person you are coaching to such a degree that
you can tell when they are in a state of congruence and when
they are not. If someone has come to you because they have
been in a problem state for some time, you might only get a
fleeting glimpse of their congruent state. However, you need to
be sufficiently vigilant to catch it when it happens.
Here is an example of what you might see:
❏ Tension in the facial muscles.
❏ Pale complexion.
❏ Glazed, fixed expression.
❏ Asymmetrical body posture.
❏ Reference to problem people by pointing to them in the air
outside of themselves.
❏ Use of the words “must,” “try,” and “should.”
❏ Emphasis on a problem state characterized by vocabulary
such as “don’t want,” “not,” and “never.”
❏ Relaxed facial muscles.
❏ Flushed complexion.
❏ Active eye movements.
❏ Symmetrical body posture.
❏ Consistent gesturing to within themselves.
❏ Use of words such as “want to,” “can,” and “really like.”
❏ Nodding of the head.
❏ Pauses in the conversation.
❏ Use of active language.
This will not be the same for everyone. It is your role as a coach
to be able to tell the difference and give precise feedback on the
characteristics of each. This is liberating information; once
someone has this information they have choice. They can choose
whether they stay in a stuck problem state or whether they
choose the congruent state (typically a state of self-fulfillment).
In the incongruent stateIn the congruent stateHIGH PERFORMANCE COACHING 361