230 Nietzsche
Nietzsche's notebooks reveal that he was not only delighted by these
insights but also shocked and terrified. He pondered the difficulty of
"incorporating" them (9,504). Later he came to regard the ability to
incorporate this knowledge as the very hallmark of the Übermensch. But
both his agony and his ecstasy raised a question: How should this
numerical theory be transformed into experience? Infinite recurrence
could terrify us only if consciousness were to recall the infinite repeti-
tions—in other words, if it not only remained the same but were also
aware of being the same. If, however, our consciousness believes that it
is beginning anew every time, and if it continually reenacts this illusion
of a new beginning, consciousness does experience a new onset again
and again rather than any repetition, even if a calculation is presented to
it that would appear to prove eternal recurrence. The very fact that rep-
etition is predicted for us means that we have yet to experience it. Both
dismay and rapture can result only from experience.
In the notebooks written in the summer of 1881, there are no traces
of true horror, but we do encounter soberly argued tentative remarks as
to the circumstances under which the doctrine of eternal recurrence
could evoke horror. When Nietzsche wrote that "even the idea of a
prospect [of recurrence] can devastate and reconfigure us, not just feel-
ings or specific expectations! What an effect the prospect of eternal
damnation has had!" (9,523f.) he was speaking not of actual horror but
of his vision of horror.
Evidendy Nietzsche, thoroughly delighted with his theory of eternal
recurrence, was equally tickled at the prospect of intimidating others
with it. He indulged in fantasies of how there would one day be a divid-
ing line between those who could bear this insight and those who would
be driven to despair and destruction by it. "The finest representatives,
who are established and dedicated to preserving the status quo, are the
last to be exposed to a new doctrine The weaker, emptier, sicker, and
more needy are the ones who catch the new infection" (9,497f.)—and
are destroyed in the process. Emotionally, Nietzsche was captivated by
the idea of disseminating dread and horror and then himself being one