by motivations of a more personal nature. He was no longer con-
sidering the suffering of others. His resolve was focused firmly on
the realm of purity and he was concerned, lest he not reach it this
time. Thus he reflected:
“Now I must worry about myself – pity myself – so that as
a diligent disciple of the Tathãgata, I can live up to his
exalted virtue of unwavering perseverance. Am I fully aware
that I have come here striving to cross beyond the world of
saÿsãra and attain the goal of Nibbãna – the freedom from
all anxiety and dukkha? If so, what methods should be used
by someone attempting to cross beyond the conventional
world? The Lord Buddha first led the way and then taught
us the Dhamma – what kind of guidance did he give? Did
he teach us to forget our purpose and start worrying about
this and that as soon as we have gained a modest under-
standing of Dhamma?“In the beginning, the Lord Buddha publicly proclaimed the
sãsana with the help of a small number of Arahants, get-
ting his message rapidly spread far and wide – most prop-
erly so. But I am not in the same exalted position, so I must
view my own development as paramount right now. When
I have perfected myself, then benefits to others will inevi-
tably follow. This view befits one who is circumspect and
reluctant to waste time. I must reflect on this carefully, so I
can learn a lesson from it.“Right now, I am striving for victory in a battle between the