hut was illuminated by brightly-lit lanterns, his disciples stum-
bled around blindly in dejection, unsure where they were going.
Appearing somnolent, almost drugged, they wandered aimlessly
back and forth. Several monks actually fainted at the time, as
though they too were about to expire because life no longer held
any meaning for them. The entire monastic community found
itself in a chaotic state of confusion late that night; all were incon-
solable over the terrible sense of loss they suffered. Monks milled
around absent-mindedly, having no clear idea where they were
going or why. Such was the power of utter despondency arising
from the departure of that shining beacon which so illuminated
their lives and brightened their hearts. Suddenly, all sense of com-
fort and security had evaporated, exposing them to the uncer-
tainty of living on without a reliable refuge. This cold, dark con-
striction in their hearts left them feeling that nothing substantial
remained in the entire universe, nothing they could hold to for
support. Failing to consider that beings throughout the universe
have always managed to find a source of refuge, at that moment
they appeared to face a bleak and uncertain future, as if dire mis-
fortune were engulfing them all. Ãcariya Mun had been the one,
true refuge. To him they could always confidently entrust them-
selves, heart and soul, without reservation.
I mean no disregard to the Buddha, Dhamma, and Sangha,
but at that moment they seemed somehow very distant, making it
difficult to reestablish them as a viable refuge. They did not appear
to project the same affirmative presence that Ãcariya Mun did;
he was always close at hand and ready to help resolve our doubts
and provide us with inspiration. Approaching him with pressing
problems that we were unable to solve on our own, these same
jacob rumans
(Jacob Rumans)
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