Beyond Title IX
H
ave you ever thought about taking a leave of absence?” The dean’s question surprised me. I
had never imagined I might need to take a break from my Ph.D. But after enduring an abusive
adviser and a grueling Title IX investigation, I had discovered some experiences aren’t easy to
put behind you. I had also recently failed my qualifying exams a second time, which meant I
was on the brink of being kicked out of graduate school. Something had to change.By Savannah A. Collins-KeyILLUSTRATION: ROBERT NEUBECKER“
Up to that point, my doctoral expe-
rience had been volatile: I was one
of many complainants in a Title IX
investigation against my first Ph.D.
adviser, which looked into allega-
tions of sexual misconduct. My ad-
viser ended up resigning. But the
abuse and the aftermath were the
most difficult experiences of my life.
I met and communicated with the
investigator dozens of times over the
course of a year, which was emotion-
ally challenging and took time away
from my research. I was also tor-
mented by a stream of anonymous
texts and emails from people who
thought I wasn’t cooperating with
the investigation.
Still, I plowed forward. I had an
overwhelming urge to prove myself—
to demonstrate that I belonged in
my program, and that my former
adviser had not affected my ability to become a scientist.
I didn’t want to miss out on opportunities and stall my re-
search. I was nervous to be away from my lab mates, who
had become a strong support system. A leave of absence
seemed out of the question. I was afraid I’d be seen as weak,
be forgotten, or never come back.
I didn’t realize I was setting myself up to implode. I
could barely keep up with my workload and increasingly
fell behind on deadlines. My physical health was a wreck.
My weight dropped dangerously low. What little sleep I got
was littered with nightmares. I finally began therapy and
was told I suffered from post-traumatic stress disorder. But
I continued to use work as a coping mechanism.
I scheduled my qualifying exams only a couple of months
into the investigation, and I promptly failed them. Ten
months later, I tried again, but that didn’t go well either. I
felt I was up against a wall.
When I met with the dean of the graduate school, who was
accompanied by the university’s Title IX coordinator, they
were sympathetic and offered me a deal: I’d be allowed a third
chance to take my exams, but only after I took time off. They
also arranged for an assistant dean—a psychology professorwho is an expert in trauma—to meet
with me via Zoom regularly during
my leave and provide support.
Taking a break terrified me. But
deep down, I knew it was a good
idea. I was also fortunate to have a
partner with a stable job and parents
who could help us financially during
the time I wasn’t being paid.
The hiatus helped me embrace
some of the quiet I had been des-
perately avoiding and concentrate
more on my partner and our child.
I underwent trauma therapy, my
sleep patterns began to stabilize,
and I rapidly gained back weight.
It wasn’t easy, though. As the de-
manding grad student lifestyle to
which I was accustomed shrunk
away, there were moments when I
desperately missed my work. I am
an impatient person, and taking
time to deal with my grief was not easy.
A year later, I returned to my program. My department
gave me a few months to reacclimate before I sat for my ex-
ams for a final time. That time, I passed. I also made prog-
ress in other ways: I began to submit first-author papers,
was awarded a grant, and won an award for my research. I
don’t think I would’ve accomplished those things had I not
taken a break.
The impact of an abusive adviser doesn’t disappear once
the abusive behavior stops. Targets of sexual assault and ha-
rassment need time to process what they’ve been through,
and it’s important for universities to give them the space
to do that. Fortunately, I had a community of administra-
tors and mentors whose efforts didn’t stop once the Title
IX investigation was over. They continued to support and
advocate for me—and are a big reason I wasn’t lost from the
system. I hope those in positions of power do what they can
to support others in similar situations. It can make all the
difference in the world. jSavannah A. Collins-Key is a Ph.D. student at the University of
Tennessee, Knoxville. Send your career story to [email protected].“Targets of sexual assault and
harassment need time to process
what they’ve been through.”
114 7 JANUARY 2022 • VOL 375 ISSUE 6576 science.org SCIENCEWORKING LIFE