528 Jacques Derrida 1984–2004
To evoke ‘an aff ection that has continued to grow’, Derrida
looked back on a few moments of their relationship. Ricoeur had
written, during their old quarrel over metaphor: ‘The masterly
stroke, here, is to enter into metaphysics, not through the gate
of birth, but, if I may say so, through the gate of death.’ Derrida
returned to this formula, twenty-eight years later, and gave his
sincere response:
Even if I doubt whether this is true of my text on metaphor,
it hardly matters here today, I think that, over and above this
debate, Ricoeur saw things aright, profoundly. In me and my
philosophical gestures. I have always yielded to the affi rmation
and invincible reaffi rmation of life, of the desire for life, by
passing, alas, ‘through the gate of death’, my eyes fi xed upon it,
at every instant.^30At the beginning of 2004, Derrida started to feel in more pain
again. Michel Lisse says: ‘With the toxic eff ects of his oral chemo-
therapy, he was losing feeling in his fi ngers and toes, he had to
spend a long time massaging them. His illness stopped him writing
new texts. He still got up early, but he spent much of the afternoon
resting. He was allowed to take only occasional phone calls.’^31
He had not, however, ceased all activity – far from it. One of
the projects dearest to him was the issue of the prestigious Cahiers
de l’Herne that Marie-Louise Mallet and Ginette Michaud were
putting together on him. With them he discussed whom to invite
to contribute, trying not to forget anyone. He carefully chose the
documents and the rich iconography: several photos, but also draw-
ings and paintings by Camilla and Valerio Adami, Simon Hantaï
and Gérard Titus-Carmel, as well as a musical score by Michaël
Levinas. In particular, Derrida wrote a set of nine texts unpublished
in French – a book inside the book, as it were.^32
At the beginning of the year, Avital Ronell moved into Ris-
Orangis for six months, so that Jacques would not be alone when
Marguerite went back to Paris and her practice as an analyst. She
discussed with him a potential conference that might be held in New
York, in October 2004, to mark the publication of the Cahier de
l’Herne. ‘There was a particular weightiness, a rather scary solem-
nity, since we both sensed that this might be his last visit to the
United States.’ But most of the time, Avital concentrated on taking
Jacques’s mind off things and making him laugh, something for
which she was very gifted. ‘Jacques liked calling me “Avi”, which
sounded just like “à vie”.* We did a little yoga together. Sometimes
- ‘to or for life’. – Tr.