Understanding Me 295heads makes them feel uneasy. In any case, time and again people react to
my words by dropping the subject of the mind like a harmful drug, and
then treating me like some kind of drug pusher.
On the other hand, when people learn enough about this theory, then
they become addicted. The general understanding turns into a drug habit.
They want to know more, because understanding gives good emotions to
Teacher strategy, but they are afraid to know too much, because the same
knowledge which makes Teacher thought feel good also threatens the
childish me which is based in emotional 'facts.' For these individuals, I
become a „drug dealer.‟ They come to me for more information, but always
in small doses. Never too much, just enough to keep the habit going.
The next stage is for this mental „addiction‟ to become all-consuming.
That is what happened to me when I was doing the research for this book. I
discovered that I could not escape from the general understanding, no
matter how hard I tried. Every topic I studied, each country I visited, and
every person with whom I interacted, simply turned into another specific
example of the general theory—another facet of complexity within the
general order. I didn‟t try to analyze situations, they analyzed themselves.
Finally, I gave up trying to fight the theory and turned into a full-fledged
„junkie.‟ The other day someone asked me what I did to relax in order to
get away from my theoretical work, and I answered that the theory
followed me around everywhere. I never leave it.
So, what is it like to be addicted totally to a theory of the mind and to
have it stick its nose into everything you do? As far as my internal world is
concerned, it is like being on a permanent „high,‟ on drugs all of the time,
without ever having a hangover or a bad „trip.‟ But wouldn‟t that be
enough to drive a person insane? Actually, just the opposite—it drives you
sane, because no matter where you go or what you do, you have no choice
but to follow common sense. Imagine, an internal drive that forces you to
be logical, forces you to avoid war and destruction, forces you to follow
lasting goodness and beauty, and forces you to become an integrated
person without any hidden inconsistencies or hurts. All this with the
irresistible pressure of growing pleasure. For some reason, normal so-
called „life‟ no longer seems as attractive to me as it once did.
There is only small „fly in the ointment.‟ Suppose that a theory „junkie‟
tries to share his understanding with other people and is continually
rejected. He feels then like a painter living in the land of the blind. He may
be combining subtle shades and working with delicate hues, but those
around him regard color as an empty word, devoid of meaning. How can
he respond? If he „gouges out his eyes‟ by rejecting his understanding, then
he turns into the most miserable of creatures—a blind man who used to see,
an individual who knew the pleasure of a general understanding. If he
avoids looking at the world, then he shrivels up inside, for his theory gains
its generality by explaining the behavior of his environment—by painting
what it sees around him. If he attacks others, then he brutalizes his own