january 3–16, 2022 | new york 31Michelle Bouchard had, in fact, said that. “I think the old guard
of the Republican Party was just that, the old guard. I think the
new Republican Party is emerging, and the new Republican Party
is going to be great,” she told me. Dr. Oz, she said, was part of the
new guard, a group that includes Glenn Youngkin, who defeated
the Democratic Establishment to get elected governor of Virginia in
November. “They should be very grateful that someone that intel-
ligent and that objective, someone of his caliber who is able to reach
across aisles, is actually running. He’s the greatest healer I’ve ever
known,” she said.
At the time, the remarks didn’t strike me as significant. Bouchard
was a friend of the candidate, and she was doing her best to sell me
on the idea that he was a force for good. If anything, I was inclined
to agree with the premise that Dr. Oz’s braininess was an improve-
ment for the Republican Party; a two-party system like ours
suffers when the most prominent representatives are proudly anti-
intellectual, as Republicans have been for most of my lifetime, from
George W. Bush to Sarah Palin to Trump. Besides, other friends,
citing their disappointment that Dr. Oz would align himself with
a Republican Party defined by the January 6 siege on the United
States Capitol, had told me things that presented more obvious rea-
sons for the candidate to panic.
“I love Mehmet, but I’m really pissed,” one of them said. “I would
have loved to see normal Republicans, but there’s no way you can be
normal now. This would end his career in a second because Repub-
licans would hate it, but it’s Lisa who is pro-life. Mehmet once told
me, ‘I’m pro-life, but I’m not against a woman’s right to choose.’ He
said, ‘As a physician, there are times when it has to happen, unfortu-nately.’He’sa smart guy. He’spragmatic.Andthat just doesn’t work
intheRepublicanParty.Waituntilthey findoutthat he’s a Muslim!
Orthat heservedintheTurkisharmy!”
HadI notbeenlisteningtoDr. Ozfreakoutaboutit,andhad
I notheardLisaOzmisrepresentwhat hadhappened,I probably
wouldhaveforgottenaboutwhat Bouchardhadsaid.NowI had
towonderwhy a candidaterunningfora high-profilepositionof
powerintheRepublicanPartywouldn’t wanttobeseenasa leader
ofthat party.“I thinkit’s goingtobethepartyofthepeople.That
maysoundironicbecauseDemocratshavealwayssaidthey’rethe
party ofthepeople,butI feelthat thepartythat’sgoingtoemerge
inthenextfiveyearsfromtheRepublicanPartyis goingtobea
rainbowofallreligionsandracesandtypesofpeople,” Bouchard
told me. “I know Mehmet agrees with me.”
“I did not say anything about that,” Mrs. Oz said to Dr. Oz.
“She shouldn’t have fucking said that,” Dr. Oz said. “We’ve got to
go lock our door because—”
“We should maybe call and keep an eye out,” Mrs. Oz said. “Here,
I’ll drive.”
Doors slammed. Dr. and Mrs. Oz seemed to exit the car and enter
a space where they greeted others with whom they engaged for a few
seconds in animated conversation about what sounded like a million
random things at once, from Mrs. Oz bringing someone somethingto eat to, out of nowhere, the subject of NFTs. The call ended.
I stared at my phone, upset by what I had heard and not sure
what to do. Before I could figure it out, the phone rang. It was Lisa
Oz. I picked it up and said hello. She paused, then she hung up on
me. This time she was successful.probably it had to do with the collapse of institutions at the
most macro level. With the sins of the Catholic Church. With the
decades of traumas and scandals in Washington. With the disinte-
gration of the community that accompanied the rush to the sub-
urbs. All I know for sure is that my mother met Oprah Winfrey
before I met my mother, and for the duration of her brief life, no
deity or dignitary inspired in her such sustained faithfulness.
I could—and did—get sent home from Sunday school for almost
any type of rebellion and receive no punishment. Yet I would never
have dared to disrespect the service hour observed by sofa on week-
day afternoons between 4 and 5 p.m.
The Oprah Winfrey Show debuted in 1986, one year after my
parents married and two before they had my brother. By the
time I was born, in 1993, the show was firmly No. 1 in daytime
talk, averaging some 10 million viewers a day thanks to fans like
my mother, home with two small children and primed to welcome
the invitation to escape the isolation of the living room through the
lambent portal. Celebrities now talk (and talk) about their self-care
journeys; Oprah asked you to take her hand and journey with her.
For my mother, it was devotion, but it wasn’t exactly blind. When
Oprah recommended a book, my mother read it. When Oprah tried
a diet, my mother adopted it. When Oprah swore by a shirt or ashoeora beauty product, my motherwantedit,evenif increasingly
whatOprahsworebywasnotattainableformembersofthework-
ingclass.WhenI lookbackonOprah’spromotionofconsumerism
inthedecadentpost-9/11periodandfeelthequeasytemptation
totracea linetothefraudscommittedagainst Americanssold
subprime-mortgage loansbeforetheGreat Recession,it remains
trueandworthsomethingtomethat I waslesslonelyduringthat
houroftheday. I thinkmy mommust havebeentoo.
Itwaswithhertotaltrust, then,that Oprahbroughtother
advisersintoourlives,themost successfulofwhomweretwomale
doctors,oneoftheheadandoneoftheheart. Dr. PhilMcGraw,a
clinicalpsychiatristwhoseprogrammingaboutabusivemarriages
andtraumaticdivorceI consumedinthesamegripped,horrified
way that I watched hours of Law & Order: SVU, and Dr. Mehmet
Oz, a successful cardiac surgeon with a beautiful family, beautiful
hair, and the ability to chat about the most intimate stuff imagin-
able while maintaining the megawatt charm of a movie star. My
mother and millions of other women swooned.
Dr. Oz made viewers feel safe and in control of their bodies and,
by extension, their destinies. What’s more: He had tips for los-
ing weight, catnip for housewives and for Oprah viewers deeply
invested in the host’s endless war against her own uncooperative
corporeal form. My mother leapt at Dr. Oz’s suggestions to consumeEROUS because he believeshe’s got some DIVINE POWER.”