328 The Social Self
answers. In this chapter, we will explore how individual
selves affect others and how others affect individual selves.
Theinterpersonal self is one of three major facets of the
self (Baumeister, 1998). The other two main aspects are the
experience of reflexive consciousness,which involves being
aware of oneself and constructing knowledge structures (in-
cluding self-concept and self-esteem) about the self, and the
executive function,which controls the decisions and actions
of the self. As argued previously, the social self provides a
crucial piece of this puzzle.
BELONGINGNESS, SOCIAL EXCLUSION,
AND OSTRACISM
Theoretical Background
Meaningful human relationships are a crucial part of the self.
Baumeister and Leary (1995) have proposed that the need to
belongis one of the most fundamental human motivations,
underlying many emotions, actions, and decisions through-
out life. Belongingness theory predicts that people seek to
have close and meaningful relationships with others, perhaps
because such relationships increase the likelihood of sur-
vival and reproduction (Shaver, Hazan, & Bradshaw, 1988).
Social exclusion may have hampered reproductive success;
it is difficult to find a mate when one is isolated from others
or devalued by others. Likewise, social exclusion probably
lowered chances of survival during hunter-gatherer times
due to lack of food sharing, the difficulty of hunting alone,
and lack of protection from animal and human enemies
(e.g., Ainsworth, 1989; Hogan, Jones, & Cheek, 1985;
Moreland, 1987).
Several motivational and cognitive patterns support the
view that people are innately oriented toward interpersonal
belongingness (see Baumeister & Leary, 1995, for review).
People form relationships readily and with minimal external
impetus. They are reluctant to break off a relationship even
when its practical purpose has ended. They also seem to cat-
egorize others based on their relationships. In general, hu-
mans are social animals, and people seek relationships with
others as a fundamental need. What happens, however, when
this need is not met—when people feel disconnected from
social groups and lonely from a lack of close relationships?
That is, how does the lack or loss of interpersonal relation-
ships affect the self and behavior?
Previous research suggests that social exclusion is corre-
lated with a variety of negative circumstances, including
poor physical and mental health (Bloom, White, & Asher,
1979; D. R. Williams, Takeuchi, & Adair, 1992), crime and
antisocial behavior (Sampson & Laub, 1993), alcohol and drug
abuse (D. R. Williams et al., 1992), and even reckless driving
(Harano, Peck, & McBride, 1975; Harrington & McBride,
1970; Richman, 1985). People who are ostracized by others re-
port negative emotions and a feeling of losing control (K. D.
Williams et al., 2000). In general, social exclusion leads to
negative emotional experiences such as anxiety, depression,
loneliness, and feelings of isolation (Baumeister & Leary,
1995; Baumeister & Tice, 1990; Gardner, Pickett, & Brewer,
2000). Leary et al. (1995) showed that social rejection leads
to considerable decreases in feelings of self-esteem. Theirso-
ciometer theoryposits that self-esteem is primarily a measure
of the health of social relationships. That is, high self-esteem
comes from believing that other people will want to spend time
with you and maintain long-term relationships with you. Low
self-esteem arises when people experience rejection or fear
that they will end up alone in life.
Conversely, fulfilled belongingness needs seem to serve as
an inoculation against negative outcomes and a predictor of
positive ones. An influential review by Cohen and Wills
(1985) concluded that high social support is correlated with
lower self-reports of anxiety and depression. Baumeister
(1991) and Myers (1992) both reviewed the empirical litera-
ture on happiness and concluded that the strongest predictor
of happiness was social connectedness. People who are rela-
tively alone in the world are much less happy than people
who have close connections with others. All other objective
predictors of happiness, including money, education, health,
and place of residence, are only weakly correlated with hap-
piness. The importance of social ties for positive life out-
comes suggests that social connection carries considerable
explanatory power. Social exclusion may be connected to
many of the personal and social problems that trouble mod-
ern citizens, including aggression and lack of prosocial be-
havior. In addition, it may be linked to many self-defeating
behaviors (such as overeating and taking excessive risks).
Last, social exclusion may cause cognitive impairment.Aggressive Behavior and Prosocial BehaviorDuring the late 1990s, a series of shootings occurred at
American schools, leading to the deaths of a number of
young people and the serious injury of many others. In almost
every case, the perpetrators were boys who felt rejected by
their peers (Leary, 2000). Apparently these young men re-
sponded to this rejection with violence, walking into their
schools with guns and shooting their fellow students. These
tragedies were consistent with several broader patterns of
correlation between antisocial, violent behavior and lack of
social connections. Garbarino’s (1999) studies confirmed that