One option is to repeat the content of what your conversational partner has said.
This can be done using phrases such as: “Did you say that...” or “You’re wonder-
ing why...” Or you can repeat the content in your own words, using: “If I
understood you correctly, you think/feel/believe...”; “If I might summarize in
my own words...”; or “Do you mean that...?” In addition, you may wish to reflect
the feelings of your conversational partner using phrases like: “I know just what you
mean...” or “I’m really glad that we can talk about this so openly...” Lastly, you
can also combine both techniques of active listening.
Phrases like: “Unfortunately the last two projects went totally wrong...”
or “After this difficult time you’re now disappointed, but how can the team keep
working without you?” are well suited for this purpose.
3.2.4.5 Body Language
I have already touched on the topic of body language. But here I would like to add
something: through our body language we show – largely unconsciously and
uncontrollably, but also much more clearly and “honestly” – what really moves
us, what we think, intend and feel. Our body language includes:
Our voice,
Our gaze,
Our facial expressions,
Our gestures,
Our posture,
The use of both sides of our body (right and left),
Standing,
Walking,
Sitting, and
The distance to our conversational partner.
The progression and the results of a conversation will be greatly influenced by
nonverbal communication. This is particularly true for the decision-making process
in negotiations. With our body language we affect others, just as we are influenced
by their body language. For most people these processes are more or less uncon-
scious. If we do, however, deliberately control our body language we improve
the communication in our best interests. But we should not lose our authenticity by
acting against our nature.
Through our body language we positively or negatively affect the trust in our
person, the credibility of our messages, the persuasiveness of our arguments, the
clarity of our observations and the climate of the conversation. Through body
language, we express which attitude we have towards our conversational partners
on the relationship level. In this respect massive mistakes can be made. We can
distinguish between three different main risks:
144 3 Systemic Leadership or: Designing a World That Others Want to Be Part Of