appreciate each other. The better the parties know understand their relationship, the
better the collaboration will be. It is especially important to identify and eliminate
disruptions to interpersonal relationships that have been caused unknowingly.
Often we distance ourselves from each other without explicitly talking about it;
sometimes we do not even notice it ourselves.
To resolve problems of this kind, we need to give each other mutual feedback
about our behavior from time to time. Here, the actual behavior should be in focus.
Statements regarding presumed character traits or motives are less useful and often
counterproductive. The feedback must not only include discussing “misconduct”
but also recognizing “correct” behavior and encouraging such behavior. If it is
obvious that the relationship level within companies is strengthened in this way,
then the feedback culture also influences the corporate culture.
4.2.2.1 Understanding Situations and Structures
Situational feedback, which follows on each consecutive communication session,
has to be distinguished from structural feedback, which deals with the entire coop-
eration. Yet in both cases the focus is on clarification, as the parties assess their
past cooperation, their interpersonal relationships, and their feelings. In addition,
the partners should also agree on which future improvements should be made in this
regard.
In daily practice, we are often not sensitive enough, and at times we are even
clumsy. Situational feedback is a spontaneous statement on an individual behavioral
process that we consider wrong. We express our criticism more or less verbally,
accompanied by the appropriate body language (a stern facial expression, frowning,
finger-wagging, etc.). Sometimes criticism comes across too coarsely. This is
especially the case when we lose our temper – and our criticism is correspondingly
harsh: “Would you stop constantly interrupting me? Let me finish first!” And based
on these statements, we expect that the other person will change their behavior as
we wish. The results are often disappointing. Perhaps the other person will try to act
as desired for the moment. However, this is usually not out of personal conviction,
and is almost never long-term.
To make matters worse, personal relationships can suffer from tough criticism,
thus making cooperation unnecessarily difficult. Where is the problem? It is not the
feedback itself. On the contrary: in order to improve cooperation it is essential that
we speak about previous behavior. This particularly applies for executives talking
to their employees. The problem often lies in the inappropriate form of feedback.
It is therefore particularly important to also utilize structural feedback, i.e.,
regular and thorough discussions of the cooperation to date, in order to ensure
productive and undistorted communications. Feedback should be given several
times a year, e.g. in the context of employee interviews, where in my experience
precisely this structural feedback is often left out. Reasons for this include a lack of
insight concerning the value of feedback (“What is it good for?”), lack of time
(“When am I supposed to do it?”), lack of practice (“What will the others think of
214 4 More Than Just Talking or: The Instruments of Systemic Leadership