The second step in the development of emotional intelligence is learning to
control one’s feelings. Managers must explore, recognize and take responsibility
for the entire spectrum of their true feelings. When we gain access to our internal
processes, we can use them to motivate ourselves. For people leading others, it is
crucial that they control their emotions and behavior. “Managers who are not in
control of their emotions may, for example, allow the annoyance to accumulate to
the point of rage, which can produce a whole cascade of effects penetrating the
lowest levels of their organization,” (de Vries 2002, p. 40). An effective manager is
able to transform feelings such as annoyance, frustration and fear into constructive
activity rather than giving in to spontaneous reactions.
The third step involves learning to recognize the feelings of those around us, and
learning to deal with such feelings in an emotionally intelligent way. Managers
must learn to accurately perceive the emotions of others, and feel these emotions as
the others feel them – in other words, they must have empathy. For Kets de Vries,
emotional intelligence consists of three central abilities that good managers contin-
uously develop: active listening, effective nonverbal communication, and empathy.
Active listening does not consist only of hearing the words spoken, but on
grasping the whole meaning of what is being communicated. Managers must be
“all ears,” without the exaggerated nodding that accompanies pseudo-listening.
They must not simply sit and wait for their own turn to talk, or be preoccupied
with other duties they must attend to. While listening actively, the listener
concentrates solely on the discussion. From time to time, the listener briefly
takes stock of what he or she has heard, and the meaning derived from the
communication, in order to avoid any misunderstandings. The process of active
listening also incorporates inquiries and feedback regarding the feelings of the
speaker. Another important component of emotional intelligence, according
to Kets de Vries, is attention to nonverbal behavior that occurs simultaneously to
verbal expression during conversations. Examples of nonverbal behavior include:
mimicking, gesturing, eye contact, volume and speed of speech, etc. All such
behaviors occur and are interpreted on an almost unconscious level.
The spectrum of emotions that human beings are capable of is extremely broad,
and each emotional condition has both positive and negative aspects. For example,
annoyance is a negatively classified feeling because it robs us of our energy and
alienates us from the source of the annoyance. Yet, annoyance can have a positive
impact in that it boosts our sense of self-worth when we feel we are in the right.
At the same time, “positive” emotions like joy and love, while pleasant, can also
lead to arrogance and (unrealistically) high expectations that inevitably lead to
disappointment.
Kets de Vries further claims that those with pronounced emotional intelligence
will have more intense human relationships; the ability to motivate themselves and
others; a more active, innovative and creative approaches to problem-solving; more
efficient styles of leadership; will be better at handling stress; and will have fewer
difficulties adapting to changes, as they are at peace with themselves. The higher on
the career ladder the leader is, the more important emotional intelligence becomes,
and the less important technical abilities are, as Kets de Vries claims (Goleman has
66 2 Occupation or Calling: What Makes for Good Leadership?