because in his childhood he was always punished severely by his father for
openly disagreeing.
We can compare these unconscious motives to “blind spots” in our
personalities. We deny their existence because they cannot be easily controlled.
In extreme forms, this “blindness” can become a personality disorder, like in the
narcissistic personality type, which exhibits strong self-confidence; in the depen-
dent type that overly relies on others; or in the type suffering from bipolar
disorders, which exhibits strong mood swings. One finds these types of people
on every level of every business. Insight is the first step towards improvement,
but unfortunately the psyche has a wide array of defense mechanisms to protect
itself. Some examples of defense mechanisms are: projection of one’s own
feelings onto other persons, denial of reality, venting aggression on a “harmless”
replacement person rather than the problematic person, or conversion disorders
(i.e. the transformation of mental conflicts into physical symptoms).
3.We are all the product of our past.This means that in addition to genetics, early
environmental influences and individual experiences strongly shape people, who
they are and how they function in the world. “In every man and in every woman
there is a child stuck just under the surface,” claims Kets de Vries. Being greatly
influenced by experiences in our early childhood, we tend to repeat patterns of
behavior in similar situations for much of the rest of our lives. The clinical
paradigm helps us to begin paying more attention to our behavior, to be more
aware of the connections between our past and present, and to decipher the reasons
behind irrational behavior. Our emotional intelligence, which, as previously men-
tioned, is an essential characteristic of good managers, is also vital in such efforts.
Managing emotions is a decisive part of necessary leadership skills. Our
moods, whether good or bad, extreme or moderate, grant us insights into our
personalities. Such insights do not simply come naturally. We must fight for
them by recognizing the internal dialogue and conflicting forces within our-
selves. “It is the task of every person to understand these forces, but for people in
positions of leadership, the responsibility has a special urgency,” warns Kets de
Vries. “The irony is that too little feeling produces consequences just as unde-
sirable as too much. It is just as uncomfortable to live with a dumb fish as it is
with a raging tiger” (de Vries 2002, p. 47).
2.2.7.1 The Central Relationship Conflict
To a great extent our behavior is based on relationship patterns, which our most
deeply held convictions manifest themselves in. This behavior develops in our
earliest childhood and is influenced by the messages we receive from others and
from our environment. The concept of the central relationship conflict may be
divided into three components: what we wish to derive from a relationship; our
expectation of how others will react to our requests; and our conscious behavior and
emotional responses to their reactions. Our unique relationship conflict makes us
into the people we are.
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