DreamsAfter three years came an important dream sequence. First, he saw himself naked on
a beach on a Polynesian island, at puberty, being held down whilst the men of the
tribe tattooed on a new, adult, face. Second, lying naked on my couch, whilst I
buggered him. Third, on a hot summer afternoon, naked, on a London pavement
with his closest male friend, having sex.
The dreams explore his complex. The first dream is the past, his constant wish for
a new face and, with it, proper initiation into the world of men. The second is his
‘here and now’ fear: if he’s attached to me, an ‘idealized father’ analyst, then I’ll
sodomize him. The karmic pattern will repeat. The third is his ‘current relationship’,
his hope/fear that he is gay. Nakedness he associated to being a baby, to innocence
and vulnerability, to being stripped before being beaten, as well as to sex.
Yukio was scared by strong homosexual feelings towards me and his friends. A
homoerotic phase is a normal part of development. Being able to love another has to
start with loving oneself (and one’s Self), exploring one’s own body...and bodies like
one’s own. In traditional cultures, as in Polynesia, rites of passage humanize these
feelings. This is a ‘group event’.
Maleness (the animus) is a ‘group’ experience and it often appears in dreams as a
group or crowd (Emma Jung 1978:1–43). All men group and need secure
identification with other men before seeking partners of the opposite sex. Yukio’s
next dream was of being part of a ‘tribe of eco-warrior lads’ young, colourful,
environmental protestors fighting to save a forest. In waking life, he increasingly
shared these values, ones opposed to either capitalist or collective social order. He
‘hung out’ with such lads, and restarted martial arts—enacting his dream.
In his early twenties, he was reaching adolescence. Gradually, he could imagine
himself having good sex on his own without sadistic fantasies. Encouraged by the
Polynesian dream, he took steps towards surgery. The new face given by the ‘group
of men’ is an image for a new persona, as well as for the face itself. He realized he’d
never go through all the pain involved until he knew he ‘was worth it’, yet to accept
he might be ‘worth it’ felt like betraying his karma.
At this point came a powerful dream. His sister tried to seduce him, but he didn’t
want sex with her anymore. While telling me this, he rocked to and fro like a baby.
I felt, for the first time, intensely maternal and said, ‘You’re rocking like an abandoned
infant.’ I said his sister stood for mother, and suddenly found myself suggesting he
tell me how he felt in his ‘mother tongue’.
Yukio said, ‘But you don’t speak Japanese.’ ‘No, but you do,’ I agreed, ‘and maybe
you need to tell you what you feel like.’ The whole atmosphere changed. Time
stopped. Then he took a huge breath, and began. His voice was like a frightened little
boy. He started to cry, then he choked. I gave him a glass of water. As he recovered,
he told me (still in Japanese) about being ten, sent alone on a long-haul flight to
parents he didn’t know in a country he’d never visited, with a culture and language
he didn’t understand.
KARMA AND INDIVIDUATION 207