The Times Magazine 29the UK. “Which is sad, because it makes me
realise what we have in terms of comfort and
opportunities here.”
There are also the would-be social media
personalities who hope to piggyback on
Malik’s newfound celebrity. “Women who
have only reached out to me for clout. Who
normally seek out rappers or footballers, and
who are ‘influencers’ or strippers or have an
OnlyFans,” he says, meaning they have a profile
on a website that allows them to produce
personal, often intimate videos for their fans
in exchange for payment. Malik says he doesn’t
want to be too quick to judge. “I’m more than
happy to have a conversation with that person
to see if they’re genuine.” But he wouldn’t hold
his breath. “Maybe they’re not the person I’m
going to be spiritually aligned with.”
Malik grew up on a council estate in
Hounslow, the only child of Punjabi parents
who were, he says, relatively old when they
had him. He went to Tiffin, a boys grammar
school in Kingston upon Thames. Having
previously attended an Islamic school, he
found that he soon developed a more outgoing
personality as he entered adolescence. Caught
between the urban world of his estate and
the more genteel environment of Kingston,
he became a “social chameleon”, adaptable
and well liked. He put on magic and comedy
revues – The Malik Show – and excelled
at drama. This all complemented his
interpretation of his faith perfectly. “Even
putting a smile on somebody’s face is a
huge act of charity, according to what the
Prophet said, right?”
But as he and his friends went deeper into
adolescence, something changed. Gregarious
and looking not unlike a “young Zayn Malik”,
he would attract female attention. “And I’ll
be honest, I would initially entertain, chatting
to a few girls and stuff like that,” he says,
only a little self-consciously. Every time,
though, he found himself backing away from
this interest. “I realised it was going to take
me down this path, and obviously not being
intimate with anybody is an important part
of my faith, and making sure that intimacy is
tied to commitment.” In other words, sex was
not going to happen. This would sometimes
leave the girls in question disappointed or
confused. “It was like, ‘I have to leave it there.
You’re an amazing girl. And I’m sorry. But
I can’t.’ ” This meant he developed a reputation
among his female peers. “It was like, ‘Malik is
great. But he’s frigid.’ ”
So while his friends were clumsily navigating
a new world of sex and relationships, bragging
to each other about their “body counts” and
the number of girls they’re dating, Malik,
like many Muslim teenagers, found himself
observing from the sidelines. And what’s really
important to understand, he says, is that sex is
not kryptonite to young Muslims. The wholepoint is that it’s the opposite. “There’s that
huge desire. Huuuge desire,” he says. “It was
really difficult. You’d get back in the changing
room after playing sports, the testosterone is
pumping through you and you want that kind
of stuff. There’s that classic saying that there
are these two wolves inside you. One telling
you to fulfil your desires, but the other
thinking more long-term and strategically.”
He went to university in London, where
he studied accounting and finance. He says
that in order to retain his “inner peace”
and not succumb to the temptation of
sex, he redirected a lot of that energy into
philanthropic work. While a student, he
organised a drive to raise money for Great
Ormond Street children’s hospital. He set
up stand-up comedy nights to help fund the
construction of clean wells in Africa. More
recently, he travelled to Lesbos on a charity
mission to provide support for Syrian
refugees. Professionally, he says that he has
always tried to use his skills to help improve
the world around him. A start-up company
he was involved in was designed to help
entrepreneurs find ways to tackle social
problems. Right now, he’s working to develop
tech solutions to what is known as the
“poverty premium”. “Which is the problem of
finding yourself, by virtue of being less well
off, burdened with the worst tariffs and the
worst insurance rates, all that kind of stuff. It’s
a trap, basically. And we’re trying to help.”
So it turns out that the girls of Kingston
and Hounslow’s loss was pretty much
everybody else’s gain. When he was in his
early twenties, he says that he considered
looking for someone to get married to, only
to realise that he still wasn’t mature enough.
He signed up to “courses on self-awareness
and emotional intelligence” and now feels
like he’s ready. “I feel like I’m aligned with
the person I wish to be in the future.”
Despite the billboards’ tagline, Malik says
that he doesn’t really feel he needs “saving’’
from an arranged marriage. He explains that
sometimes people conflate arranged marriage
with forced marriage, and while he has no
issue with the former provided that everybody
involved has “complete autonomy” in their
decision, the latter is “completely wrong”
and impermissible under Islam. The Prophet
Muhammad, he says, annulled the marriage
of a woman who came to him and said that
she had been forced to marry her husband. In
fact, despite having his billboards paid for by
a dating site and having a Muzmatch profile
himself, Malik wonders if more young peoplemight find meaningful relationships if they
spent more time listening to the suggestions
of friends and family members, rather than
feeling they have to do it all alone, online.
This is not stopping him from spending
his evenings working through applicants. Does
he ever see someone’s photograph and just
feel instant attraction? He nods. “Sometimes
you might think she is absolutely stunning,
jaw-dropping,” he says. “But it’s important to
go beyond face value. Lust is important, and
it’s important to be attracted to the person
you’re interested in. But it’s got to be about
values. Is this a person you can wake up to
in 50 years and feel content?”
So far, after all the hundreds of messages,
Malik says he has a shortlist of three women
that he sees as real possibilities. “I’ve been
very honest with them and told them that
they should keep their options open and I’ll
keep my options open, but that there’s merits
in having further conversations.” So far, partly
because of the pandemic, partly because
he’s been a little overwhelmed, he hasn’t had
any face-to-face dates yet. Instead, he’s been
having phone calls with the women and, in
one case, their family. He’s looking forward to
the “IRL” – in real life – meetings though, and
getting to know them better.
“Whether that’s going to a restaurant and
seeing how they deal with a waiter, or how
they deal with a busker on the street, that’s
how you really get an understanding of
someone.” He would also expect his date to
be accompanied by a chaperone. This person
only needs to be in visible range during the
date, rather than sitting with them at the
table, but he acknowledges that many people
might find the idea alien. “But from a spiritual
perspective, it stops that internal wolf being
like, ‘Let’s go to a hotel room,’ which would
take away from the purity.”
The billboards will only be up for another
week or so, after which he hopes things may
start to calm down. Before he leaves our quiet
corner of the coffee shop, he says that, despite
the number of women who have got in touch,
he doesn’t mind if nothing comes of it all.
“It seems quite ironic, as somebody who
put myself out there, but I’m actually really
content as a single person,” he says. “And
I feel I could live very, very beautifully on
my own. Over the past year, I came to the
realisation that, in life, you don’t deserve
anything, and that anything that is given
to you is a blessing from God. So I’m happy
as I am,” he finishes, smiling softly. “Anything
STYLING: HANNAH ROGERS. GROOMING: NATASHA BULSTRODE AT ARLINGTON ARTISTS. MUHAMMAD MALIK WEARS SHIRT, MR P (MRPORTER.COM), AND TRAINERS, CONVERSE.COM else is a huge bonus.” n
SEX IS NOT KRYPTONITE TO MUSLIMS. IN FACT, IT’S THE
VERY OPPOSITE. ‘THERE’S THAT HUGE DESIRE. HUGE’