Thinking Against Oneself 483an essay with the highly topical title ‘Integration and Disintegration in
Contemporary Society’.^14
This book was not his last project by any means. Incidentally, despite
his writing ambitions, he did not plan to retire early to devote himself
to them because, even with the conflict with the students, he found
academic teaching an inspiration. Moreover he had no desire to withdraw
from his responsibilities for his numerous doctoral students.^15 He had
the intention of following up his first book of aphorisms with a second
one, which he entitled Graeculus. Here, too, he had made a preparatory
collection of notes. As in Minima Moralia, he wished to produce an
anthology of epigrammatic texts on a variety of topics, with observations
on musical, cultural and socio-critical subjects.^16 The aphorisms in exist-
ence included comments on smoking as a habit of men and women, on
good and bad prose, and on politics and death. Some of the aphorisms
were short and pithy: ‘Education equals the ability to wait’;^17 or, again,
‘I find it easier to believe in the Christ child than in Jesus Christ’;^18 or,
‘Is there a transcendence of yearning? Without the wish there is no
truth, but the wish cannot guarantee it.’^19
In the same category are his ‘Dream protocols’ which he recorded
throughout his life. When he had to spend the night in Stuttgart on one
occasion, he dreamt that ‘the most painful form of execution – evidently
intended for me – would be to have to stand up to my head in water
while being roasted at the same time. Because of the extinguishing
effect of the water this would last especially long.’^20 Another dream
recurred frequently. He dreamt he was in a concentration camp where
he heard a group of Jewish children singing a song. At the end of the
narrative he wrote: ‘Awoke with an unspeakable sense of horror.’^21
Adorno’s writing plans were on the one hand intentions that took
their toll of his energies – in his letters he speaks frequently of exhaus-
tion – while on the other hand they were a concrete future from which
he derived his creative energy. All these projects were the tasks that
awaited him and needed to be written up responsibly. After all, writing
was the essence of his life. Before leaving for Zermatt, he viewed the
approaching years with some optimism, despite his ‘battered’ condition.
A little while previously, together with the educationalist Hellmut
Becker, he had recorded what would become a famous conversation
about ‘educating people to maturity’. The discussion was broadcast on
the day of his funeral. He had been planning further broadcasts. He
and Gretel had also intended a trip in September to Venice, where he
had been invited to give a paper at a congress on critical theory and
art.^22 Rooms had already been booked in the Hotel Regina.^23 He had
also had discussions with Gershom Scholem about a lecture tour in
Israel.^24 Even if the conflicts of the past term were very much present
in his mind, Adorno still looked forward with some confidence to the
coming semester. At the last meeting of his class in the philosophy
seminar he had taken his leave with the words: ‘If you are all lookingAdorno_D01 483 10/5/05, 10:44 AM