ON THE HISTORY AND PSYCHOLOGY OF THE 'DAS-LOG
There are many stories, like Glingbza' Chos-skyid's, about those that
were carried off and returned. I fervently hope she'll return as well.
We'd best leave her body without touching it during the forty-nine
days." Thereupon he wept many tears, and I thought, "I've not died,
have I?" Again, thinking I'd not died, I took Sde-pa's hand and said
over and over, ''I'm not dead. There's no need to suffer," but Sde-pa
and all, lord and servants, did not reply. I thought, "They're angry with
me."
Then someone brought tea, and, as was my usual habit, I sat down
facing Sde-pa-drung, close by him. They gave him and the others tea,
and without giving me any, went away. I thought, "There isn't enough
tea. They'll just make some more and bring it." Then Sde-pa-drung told
A-khrung Tshe-ring-rab-brtan to make more tea. He broke off some tea
and put it into his own pocket. I thought, "For a little bit of food, he
commits such a sinful deed!" and I was disgusted with both master and
servant. Then he offered tea to Sde-pa, and again Sde-pa didn't ask me
to sit or eat with him. They passed none of it my way. I thought, "I've
no will to eat," and feeling sad, I wept many tears.
Again I thought, "Alas! I said that I'd perform dharma, but I was not
permitted to do so. I was not allowed to stay with my parents. You
guaranteed you'd make me happy. Not being allowed to do dharma, I
had to do mundane things. Now the way the servants have acted is the
same as the way in which you've behaved. I have no will to eat and
drink. Now I have to go to do dharma." Going out of the monastery
gate, I looked back. I said to Sde-pa-drung, "When my parents first
looked after me, I had the will to do dharma. You made me all kinds of
promises. Now I have no will to eat and drink. You listened to what
others said about me and threw me out of the company that eat and
drink together. Generally, menfolk have neither substance nor marrow.
Especially you, Sde-pa G.yu-rgyal-phun-tshogs, have no fibre. You've
kept the ornaments given me as dowry by my parents. First, you looked
on me as though I were a goddess. Now I wander like a dog. As for
what is left of what you said to me, it is gone, just as what is left of
beating water with a stick. They say a woman does not know what will
become of her until they place a rope around her neck. Now it has hap-
pened to me. Many times I thought I must say, "Virgins! Do not do
worldly deeds! Do dharma!" 0 Sde-pa-drung, servants, listen to me!
Formerly my place was like a rolling stone falling into a clean canal
(i.e., a misfit). Now go ahead and be happy with your wealth and mater-
ial things. I will find satisfaction in the dharma. Sde-pa-drung, do not
regret!"
Thinking I had to go to do dharma, I went off with nothing burden-
ing me. All the others stayed there, sighing. There was not a single
person who told me to stay.