*
It is a reĘex to expect the bad with the good. e ĕrst months of
Audrey’s life, Béla studies for his CPA test as though preparing for the
ultimate test, the one crucial trial that will determine forever whether
or not he will find his place, his peace with himself and our choices.
He doesn’t pass the test. Moreover, he is told that with his stutter,
his accent, he will never get a job, no matter if he is able the earn his
license.
“ere’s always going to be a block in the road,” he says, “no matter
what I do.”
I object. I reassure him. I say we’ll ĕnd a way, but I can’t stop my
sister Klara’s voice from creeping into my head. Two cripples. How is
that going to work out? I cry in the bathroom. I do it silently, come out
cheerful. I don’t know that fears kept hidden only grow more ĕerce. I
don’t know that my habits of providing and placating—of pretending
—are only making us worse.