the middle of an edifying discourse whose title,For Self-Examination, thus
might be said to be well-chosen in a more than theological sense!
Whether (and if so, to what extent) Kierkegaard himself managed to trick
desire so that it lost the desire to be desire remains an open question, but
the theory advanced by a well-known scholar that he “suffered under the
self-communion of masturbation” for most of his life remains only an asser-
tion .And despite scattered reports of relapses into sins of the past, Kierke-
gaard’s writings can—also—be viewed as one great process of sublimation in
which instincts were embodied in one work after the other .In this respect
Kierkegaard was not notably different from many others of his day: They,
too, drove themselves to productivity; they, too, forced desire to take on
forms of expression other than immediacy, thereby creating the sublime art
of the Danish Golden Age; and they, too, suffered periodically from all the
many psychosomatic illnesses to which thwarted desire can give rise.
Thus, Peter Christian’s diaries teem with comments on irritability, rest-
lessness, anxiety, dizziness, impure thoughts, nerve fever, as well as strange,
disturbing dreams that he describes only telegraphically .Entirely character-
istic of Peter Christian’s conflict between erotic energy and harsh self-disci-
pline, between inclination and duty, is a diary entry from October 16, 1835,
in which he complained that he had been unable to bring himself to take
Holy Communion with his father, despite having solemnly promised his
father that he would do so—and then immediately afterward Peter Christian
wrote: “Shower every other day.”
Maria
Some months later Peter Christian could begin a reduction in the frequency
of these cooling-off periods .To the surprise of many people—not least
himself—he suddenly found himself wanting to get married .His choice fell
upon Elise Marie, a warm and lively young woman who was the daughter
of the late Bishop P .O .Boisen and his wife Anna Boisen (ne ́e Nannestad,
usually called “Nanna”) .After several discussions with his father in the
course of the spring, Peter Christian finally obtained the requisite approval
of his relationship with Elise Marie (or “Maria,” as he called her) and a
pledge of economic support, and on June 5, 1836, they announced their
engagement.
A bright and as yet unwritten page was thus appended to the gloomy tale
of the male trio that constituted the surviving members of the Kierkegaard
household .Many wretched years later Peter Christian would recall Maria
as the person who had “caused a gentle dawn to shine upon our aged