an open-air ramayana. 135
“You don’t notice any difference?”
“No difference. You shouldn’t see difference, you should keep your mind
steady.”Then there was the oldsadhuwho saidsiyajuram.He seemed so sincere and
pure that I hesitated to intrude on the intimacy of his experience with my inquiries.
But he was sweet, kind, and friendly, so I did ask something, as sensitively as I
could:
I have seen you in the Ramlila. You are always in the front. When the Lord moves
you move with him, and you stay near him, saying your japa[repeated divine
names] and keeping your eyes on him. When you look at the Lord at the time of
arati,what do you feel?On hearing the question, he withdrew his eyes and began doing his japa.Then he
fell silent. After a few moments he looked at me again and said,
It can’t be put into words. You try it and see for yourself. You look into those two
lotus faces, take darshanwith a desire for loving attachment (mamta).Then you
will know that taste. I can’t tell you. Siyaju ram jai ram jai jai ram, siyaju ram jai
ram jai jai ram....The much-quoted line aboutbhavnaacknowledges that the Ramlila is what you
make it. If you come with devotion, you will see God. If you come with cynicism,
you will see little boys in threadbare shorts. If you come looking for snacks, you will
see refreshment stands. If you come for a spectacle, you will see fireworks. If you
come with hostility or fear, that will also color what you see. “According to the feel-
ing within, each one sees the Lord ’s form”: such a statement admits the psycholog-
ical nature of the Ramliladarshan.But it is not, as it might be in a different culture,
“merely psychological.” It is gloriously, cosmically psychological. Every witness-
participant creates the drama in her own mind, and in this drama is at once creator,
actor, and viewer. Thus the Ramlila teaches by experience that our realities are
mind-made.
One way to explainmayaorlilais to say that form is infinitely transformable. By
loving and worshipping form, by experiencing pain when the form changes or disap-
pears, and finally by gaining insight into the Lord ’s play of appearance and disap-
pearance, the devotee reaches some kind of awakening. But he does not pass beyond