The Sunday Times - UK (2022-02-13

Right, no more of that please. He has not

asked you to dress better, he’s asked you

to dress “sexier”, which, by his definition,

means wearing less clothes. I have both

passionately and resentfully loved men for

many years now, and something I’ve learnt

is that many of them tend to be quite

stupid straightforward when it comes to

their sartorial preferences for women.

I never get more compliments from a

boyfriend than when I’m wearing a dress in a floral print

that is in some way revealing. Oversized tunics? Forget it.

Statement sleeves? They won’t understand. Every man

I have gone out with basically wants me to dress like a

50:50 combination of Hyacinth Bucket and Pamela

Anderson, the Tommy years.

With my goodwill-to-all-men hat on, I think he thinks

he’s paying you a compliment. By telling you to expose

more of your body, he thinks he is simply saying he likes

your body. And because men can be stupid interesting

when it comes to their understanding of the day-to-day

female experience, he obviously hasn’t thought about the

fact that your priority when getting dressed might not

always be to show off your figure to your boyfriend.

Because there may be some other things on the agenda

that day. You might, I don’t know, want to feel comfy. Or

warm. You may need to look professional, or appropriate.

Perhaps, for whatever valid reason, you don’t want people

to see your body. Maybe — maybe — you don’t want to

wear heels that make your feet hurt or skirts you can’t sit

down in. Or — here’s a mad thought! — you might want

to put on some trousers with a waistband that allows you

to eat a piece of f ***ing bread. So, I’m afraid to say, your

boyfriend, with his roomy Uniqlo jumpers and his three

pairs of jeans on rotation, doesn’t really have the right to

say what you should wear to “show off your figure”.

I wonder if he is trying to make you dress in the same

way that you dressed seven years ago to make you a Alexandra Cameron

human time travel machine. Is he finding it

difficult to face the fact he’s getting older?

Is he trying to return to the early days of

your relationship? Or maybe he’s in denial

of the fact that you’re a woman with the

right to have an ever-evolving identity and

a set of tastes that he sees manifesting in

your clothes. Whatever the reason, if

you’re happy and comfortable with how

you dress, I really, really wouldn’t start

dressing differently to try to satisfy your boyfriend.

Honestly, babe. There’s no good place that’s heading. It’s

just a no from me.

Obviously, the best course of action is to speak

honestly, tell him why you’re hurt by what he has said

and explain in no uncertain terms that he’s with a

woman, not a wardrobe. But personally, I think you

should match the ridiculousness of your response to the

ridiculousness of his request. Why not wear a wetsuit

around the house, so he can enjoy your figure in its

splendour at all times? Or, better yet, order a Chewbacca

costume, wear it on a date, and thank him for unlocking

your confidence to finally feel fabulous in what you’ve

always wanted to wear. You could also suggest a compro-

mise whereby you wear clothes that show off your figure

and he does the same so you too can appreciate his figure

(gimp suit, mankini, string vest etc).

Or you can do what my mum once did. A man she was

dating came to pick her up and take her to a work dinner

with his colleagues. She opened the door wearing a

trouser suit and he expressed disappointment that she

wasn’t wearing an outfit that showed off her figure. My

mum invited him in, led him to her wardrobe and asked

him to choose her an outfit. He picked a revealing dress.

She took it off the rail, led him to the door, handed him

the hanger and said, “I hope you have a lovely evening

with my dress”, before slamming the door in his face.

I think he’ll get the point. ■

Your love, life and friendship dilemmas answered

by Dolly Alderton

Dear Dolly

To get your life dilemma answered by Dolly, email or send a voice note

to [email protected] or DM @theststyle

Recently my boyfriend of almost seven years has started to make some comments about the

way I dress. It began with him requesting for me to wear certain items of clothing that I haven’t

worn for years because I no longer feel comfortable in them. Every time he has brought this up, he

claims it’s because he thinks I should be more confident and would look great in clothes that show

off my figure more. However, he made an off-the-cuff remark about me always wearing woolly

jumpers and polonecks, which makes me feel like he’s hiding the fact he dislikes how I dress.

I find his comments very hurtful and am stuck between wanting to change how I dress to make him

happy and feeling like I shouldn’t have to change myself to please a partner. How can I feel sexy

and attractive when I know my boyfriend thinks I should dress better?

50 • The Sunday Times Style