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the they, or the intrapsychic representation of other people we carry in
our minds. Related concepts are Charles Cooley’s (1902) “generalized
other” and Freud’s “superego.”
To be among men. This section is indebted to Hannah Arendt’s
brilliant treatment of the public and private realms in The Human Condi
tion (1958).
166 The company of others. Here again we refer to the findings of the
ESM studies mentioned in the last note. That interactions with other
people improve the mood for the entire day has been reported by
Lewinsohn & Graf (1973), Lewinsohn & Libet (1972), MacPhillamy &.
Lewinsohn (1974), and Lewinsohn et al. (1982). Lewinsohn and his
group have developed the clinical applications of a psychotherapy based
on maximizing pleasant activities and interactions. If one were to de
velop a therapy based on flow—and steps in that direction have already
been taken at the Medical School of the University of Milan, Italy—this
would also be the route to follow. That is, one would endeavor to
increase the frequency and intensity of optimal experiences, rather than
(or in addition to) decreasing the incidence of negative ones.
Baboons. Stuart Altmann (1970) and Jeanne Altmann (1970, 1980)
know more about social relations among these primates than possibly
anyone else. Their work indicates that the role of sociability for ensuring
survival in such primates gives a good clue as to how and why human
social “instincts” evolved.
166- People are flexible. It was Patrick Mayers’s doctoral dissertation
167 (1978), which utilized the Experience Sampling Method for gathering
data, that first alerted us to the fact that teenagers listed interactions
with their friends as both the most enjoyable and also the most anxiety-
producing and boring experiences in their day. This usually did not
happen with other categories of activities, which were, in general, either
always boring or always enjoyable. Since then the finding has been
replicated with adults also.
167 The realization of how important communication skills are for effec
tive management was suggested by the data collected in the Vail pro
gram (see note to p. 160). For middle managers especially, better commu
nication is the number one strength they wish to develop.
Books on etiquette. For a particularly mind-boggling example of such,
see Letitia Baldridge’s Complete Guide to a Great Social Life, whose advice
includes such perfectly true but rather fulsome pearls of wisdom as
“Flattery is an immensely useful device....” and “Any host... is proud
to have well-dressed guests at his or her party. They convey a sweet smell
of success.” (Compare this last quote with Samuel Johnson’s remark
recorded in Boswell’s Life, March 27, 1776: “Fine clothes are good only
