PERSONAl RESPONSIBIlITY IS ThE FOUNdATION OF SUccESSing to be somewhere, I need to be there. If, on the other hand, someone
expects me to be somewhere and I never committed to being there, that
is not my responsibility. That is their expectation, not mine. Any effort
I put into honoring expectations that I did not help create detracts from
my ability to meet my real responsibilities.
‘shoUlDs’Shoulds’ are expectations placed on me by my subconscious. If I con-
sciously placed these expectations then they would be in the form of
I will, I do, etc. Should comes from my subconscious on the basis of
perceived expectations of others. These are not commitments that I have
made. If, for example, I find myself thinking I should keep my kitchen
cleaner, I am living up to someone else’s standard. If the standard were
my own I would not procrastinate on it. There would be no should, there
would just be do. The basis of our ‘should’ habit is deeply ingrained.
Many of these subconscious expectations come from our childhood pro-
gramming. For example, many of us work toward the idea that all our
stuff should be neat and tidy, but that is not how we work best. The ex-
pectation is not my own, hence the procrastination, hence even when I
do the ‘should,’ it doesn’t stay that way. The word ‘should’ needs to raise
a yellow flag. Any time I hear myself qualifying something with the word
‘should,’ I need to examine my motivation for undertaking that task.
BeIng RIghtA famous question asks: “Would you rather be right or rather be hap-
py?” Humans have a desire to always be right, to look good or to look
smart. In any disagreement at least one person is wrong to some degree.
By the law of averages this makes most of us wrong about one half of
the time. As none of us are perfect, none of us are right all of the time.
The problem is that we believe what we believe; we assume we are right
and the other person is wrong. By questioning what we believe we be-
come open-minded; open to the other person being right. This improves
communication as we truly listen to the other person and consider their
ideas. In doing so, we also learn and grow. Ceasing to be right all the
time improves our relationships, makes us more trustworthy, and allows
us to grow and achieve more.