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Dating: Getting to KnowYou

While it was written some time ago,Dr.
Lewis Smedes (1976),former President of
Fuller Theological Seminary,has some
sound advice when making decisions on
premarital sexuality,which is still relevant
today.He refers to them as a Christian
moral stance on sexual intercourse.

1. Can I talk about sex with my partner?
   Weareamazedatthenumberof
   coupleswhoarehavingsexwithout
   firsthavingreallydiscussedthe
   implicationsandrepercussions.
   Beforeyoueventhinkaboutinitiating
   aphysicalrelationship,
   youneedtodiscussyourfeelings,
   expectations,values,the
   complications(contraception),and
   possibleconsequences(pregnancy,
   sexuallytransmitteddisease).Ifyou
   can’ttalkaboutit,don’t do it!


2. Can I have sex in good conscience,
   knowing God is watching?If you
   can’t do it at the feet of Jesus,then
   don’t do it!


3. TheMoralityof Caution.Anyone
   tryingtomakeadecisionlooksat
   thecosts.AmIlikelytogethurt?
   Andhowgreataretherisks?Some
   of therisksareobvious—pregnancy,
   incurablediseases,butmore
   difficulttoassessisthepotential
   harmtoaneventualrelationship.


4. TheMoralityof Concern.Whilethe
   moralityof cautionisconcerned
   withone’sownwellbeing,the
   moralityof concernasks,“AmI
   likelytohurtsomeoneelse?”For
   instance,considerthechildwhich
   couldresultfromintercourse.A
   concernedpartnerwillalsoconsider
   howintercoursemightaffecttheir
   partnerasawholeperson.


5. TheMoralityof Personal
   Relationships.Whiletheprevious
   twomoralitieslookatpersonal
   consequences,themoralityof
   personalrelationshipslooksatthe
   relationship.Twoquestionsbecome
   thefocus:willintercourseaffectthe
   relationshipandwillintercourse
   strengthenanddeepenthe
   relationship?Sexualintercoursecan
   onlystrengthenarelationshipif two
   peoplealreadyhaveagenuinely
   personalrelationship.Whentwo
   peopleuseeachotherinintercourse,
   theyenduphurtingeachotherand
   corruptingthesexualact.


6. TheMoralityof Law.Thisisthelaw
   of theNewTestament.Paulmadeno
   distinctionsbetweencasualsex,sex
   whenengagedtobemarried,or
   evensexbetweentwomature
   widowedindividuals.Paulmakesit
   veryclearin1Corinthians7heis
   referringtosexualintercoursefor
   unmarriedpeople.Whilethese