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Chapter 7

Responsibility

Whileparentsaretoset limits,thegoal

isnot somuch obedienceasit isteaching

children responsibility,empathy,and

matureunderstanding.Sometimes,by

allowingnaturalconsequencestotaketheir

course,parentswillteach children an

important lesson,such as:“If youdon’t

wait half an hour after eatingthat bigmeal,

youmay get sick on theroller coaster ride.”

Atothertimes,parentsmayneedto

imposeartificialconsequences,afterfirst

explainingthereason:“WhenyouhitMindy

justnow,youhurther.Youdonotliketobe

hit,right?So,youshouldnothitothers.

Now,goovertherewhereitisquietandtake

sometimetothinkaboutwhatyoudid.

Then,decidewhatyouneedtodonext.”

Aschildrenmature,theynaturallywant

tomaketheirowndecisions.Ifparents

prohibit children from making decisions

they are capable of making,the parents

undermine their children’s confidence in

their own abilities.Sometimes,parents do

this because they actually do not want

their children to grow up.This

circumvents the goal of helping children

mature.One of the parents’primary goals

is to help their children achieve

responsibility for themselves.

If children have been taught well,if

they trust their parents and respect their

parents’wisdom,they will come to mom

and dad when necessary—not out of fear

or obedience,but because they are mature,

responsible,and respectful.In healthy

families,even adolescents will reach out to

parents for help when they are in over

their heads.The adolescent who goes to a

party,discovers his friends using drugs or

alcohol,and calls mom or dad to come

pick him up is demonstrating the kind of

relationship all parents should want to

have with their children.

Parenthood: The Developmental

Journey

Just as E.Erickson proposed various

stages of child and adult development,

other research examines the stages people

go through in becoming a parent.Unell

andWyckoff (2000) use a developmental

perspective to examine the experience of

raising children.They outline eight

Helping children mature involves allowing them to perform

according to their abilities, even when they make mistakes.

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