Layout 1

Chapter 12

Avoiding: People using this style avoid the
conflict altogether.While this can be useful
at times, it is often a weak and ineffective
approach.
Figure 12.1 combines the Balswick’s
styles of conflict management with the
Kilman Conflict Resolution Grid.You can
see from the grid, avoidance or withdrawal
produces the least results in conflict
management. The more we value the
relationship over seeking our own interests,
the more likely we are to try to resolve the
conflict in a positive manner for all persons
involved. The converse is also true: the less
we value the relationship, the more likely we
are to avoid resolution or the more likely we

are to compete to win. Both of these can be

extremely damaging to a relationship if used

consistently.

The more we place value on mercy in a

relationship, the greater the likelihood of

working toward resolution of conflict.When

justice and fairness are the goals, the couple

is more likely to compete to achieve what

each one considers fair in the relationship. In

the New Testament, Jesus repeatedly calls

Christians to be merciful. Mercy in a

marriage prevents spouses from battling

over what is“fair.”Fair in a marriage is not

always equitable or good for the marriage.

Ephesians, chapter 5, gives couples

guidance regarding their relationship.

Figure 12.1

Adaptation of the Balswicks’Five Styles of Conflict

and Kilman Conflict Resolution Grid

Source:Balswick and Balswick, 2006 Kilman and Thomas, 1975.

Win Yield

Compromise

Withdraw Resolve

High

Low

Low High

Value of relationship

Importance of mercy

Response to spouse’s interests

Achievement of own interests

Need for justiceValue of issue