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Conflict in Families

Even women who successfully leave
the abusive relationship are likely to
return to the relationship many times
before finally making the break (Mills,
2003). These women struggle with trying
to decide what they should do.“They are
deeply conflicted about how to address
the abuse while trying to preserve what
they value in their relationships” (Mills,
2003, p. 30). See Sidebar 12.5 for a
battered woman’s firsthand account.
The Cycle of Violence.Often the abused
who choose to stay in such a broken
relationship do not understand the
powerfulcycle of violence(see Figure 12.2).
After the abused leaves, the abuser will
notoriously seem very remorseful—full of
apologies, offering gifts and promises it will
never happen again. But once they reunite,
the abuser is likely to return again to the
same means of violence. This time it may be
even more severe in a twisted view toward
making sure the abused won’t leave again.
Thus, the cycle continues, each time more
intense than before:

The abuser actually thrives on this
relationship.When not angry, he or she may
be a very nice person—in public. But inside
the privacy of the home, anger can erupt

without warning and without the control so

carefully cultivated in public. Fearful the

spouse will leave, the abuser can seem to be

quite remorseful. But this abusive behavior

is a symptom of a deep personality problem

which cannot be cured overnight. Even with

professional help, abusive spouses have a

difficult time changing.

Child Abuse

You will recall from chapter 7, the

problem ofchild abuseis staggering. For

instance, roughly 12 children in 1,000 are

victims of abuse, usually at the hands of

their parents. Girls are slightly more likely

to be victims than boys.Young children,

especially those under age 3, are more

likely to experience abuse and neglect than

older children. (Child Welfare Information

Gateway, 2007).

Figure 12.2

The Cycle of Violence

conflict violence apology reconciliation

conflict violence apology reconciliation

conflict violence apology reconciliation