Kundalini and the Art of Being ... 1whom I would miss, the wonderful memories I would cherish even
in my impending unconsciousness. I felt a great sorrow overtake me
for all the dreams I’d had that would never be fulfilled. I tried my best
just to let them go and accept that there must be a reason for the situ-
ation in which I now found myself. Everyone had to die someday,
and this must be my day.
At least I had managed to pack a lot of living into my twenty-two
years. What an exciting adventure I had been lucky enough to live!
How I would miss the whole experience of being human on planet
Earth, hard as it was much of the time. How sad that it had to end
this way, in lonely despair and confusion, when all I really wanted in
life was to enjoy the simple love and beauty of the world that I knew
was real, because I had experienced it plenty of times before. I was
sure that I would experience that beauty again someday, if only in
another lifetime. Deep down, I knew there had to be a reason for this
extraordinary experience in which I now found myself immersed.
Though it might not make sense at the moment, I had faith that in
the end the universe was a work of perfection, and anything that
might happen was part of that ultimate perfection. At some point I
would understand. In the meantime, I would do my best to simply
go with the flow that God seemed to have intended for me.
After a while of sitting there, contemplating, musing, and recol-
lecting, I startled myself with a realization: not only did it appear
that death wasn’t going to overtake me right then, but somehow I
had managed to relax into a timeless, almost peaceful reverie of sorts.
As I came back to the present, I noticed that my symptoms seemed
actually to have lessened slightly. A glimmer of hope was ignited in
me. Was it possible that I might be able to survive this?
I noticed that, having sat there on those hard church steps for close
to an hour, I was cold, tired, and getting hungry. Since it appeared
that I wasn’t meant to die just then—and I didn’t feel like just sitting
there indefinitely—I got up, walked back down the stairs, and con-
tinued in the direction of the apartment.