2 ... Gabriel Morrisafter moving to Alaska to go to school. It had a similar effect on me
then—though subtly different. I was able to work with its intense
effects so that in some ways it actually helped me in my spiritual
exploration, as long as I was in a safe and comfortable place where I
could process the energies and sensations it brought up in me. Rather
than numbing me to my fears and anxieties, as it apparently did for
many smokers, it seemed to bring them all to my attention. It ex-
panded my sense of awareness, bringing to full consciousness what-
ever inner troubles lay beneath the surface.
With this in mind, I smoked marijuana occasionally for the insight
and perspective that it gave—although usually alone or else with fa-
miliar people, and in an outdoors setting away from the city. It was
for this reason that I hesitated that evening, and, of course, I soon
regretted not listening to myself.
Scott passed the bong around, and I took one deep hit, filling my
lungs and then holding it in. But bongs have a way of increasing the
effects so that it was probably equal to two or three hits from a pipe.
And it must have been very good stuff because, though it generally
takes a half-hour or so to peak, within just a few minutes I was feel-
ing the effects profoundly, as a wave of intense and confusing sen-
sory input began flooding into my consciousness.
I quickly became acutely self-conscious. Because of the yoga class
that I’d just participated in plus the strange events of the previous
week, I was already feeling a little raw. As the effects of the mari-
juana began to intensify, an overwhelming force of spiritual energy
overtook me, as all my senses and perceptions became intensely
magnified. My heart began to throb as if it were about to burst out
of my chest. It seemed as if the air got thick and murky, the room
became small and claustrophobic, and the objects around me began
crowding my personal space.
My body started to feel like something separate from me, extend-
ing outward from my consciousness. At the same time, I felt as if I
were trapped within it. The solidity of things around me, including
my own body, seemed to melt. My presumed distinctions between