about other people’s defects. Sometimes we sugar-
coat it and pretend that we’re not really doing it. We
say something like, “Hi there. Did you know that
Juanita steals?” Then we say, “Oh no, I shouldn’t have
said that. Excuse me, that was really unkind for me to
say that, and I won’t say any more.” We’d love to go on
and on, but instead we say just enough to get people
against Juanita but not enough for them to disap-
prove of us for slandering her.
Then there’s “Don’t ponder others.” It’s talking about
putting down other people to build yourself up.
Maybe you only do it mentally. After all, you don’t
actually say these things out loud, because people
would disapprove, but in your mind you talk a lot
about Mortimer: how you hate how he dresses and
how he walks and how he stares coldly at you when
you try to smile. You say, “Now this is enough. I’ve
been criticizing Mortimer since the day I arrived
here. I’m going to try to make friends,” but Mortimer
just meets your sunny false smile with an icy stare. So
you continue to ponder Mortimer’s awful ways as you
sit here on the cushion, and you very seldom label it
“thinking” or breathe it in. It doesn’t occur to you to
exchange yourself for Mortimer, and you certainly
don’t feel grateful to him.
The next is “Don’t be so predictable,” which has also
been translated as, “Don’t be so trustworthy.” It’s an
158 Taking Responsibility for Your Own Actions