you just gave the last person. But that just leaves this
new person cold; he couldn’t care less. You have the
humbling experience of realizing that there’s never
just one solution to a problem. Helping yourself or
someone else has to do with opening and just being
there; that’s how something happens between peo-
ple. But it’s a continuous process. That’s how you
learn. You can’t open just once.
What you learn from the Juans and Juanitas in
your life is not something that you can get a patent on
and then sell as a sure thing that will always work. It
isn’t like that. This kind of learning is a continual
journey of wakefulness.
A meditation student I was working with whom I’ll
call Dan had a serious alcohol and drug problem. He
was really making great strides, and then he went on
a binge. On the day I found out about it I happened
to have an opportunity to see Trungpa Rinpoche. I
blurted out to him how upset I was that Dan had
gone on a binge. I was so disappointed. Well, Rin-
poche got really angry; it completely stopped my
heart and mind. He said that being upset about Dan’s
binge was my problem. “You should never have ex-
pectations for other people. Just be kind to them,” he
told me. In terms of Dan, I should just help him keep
walking forward inch by inch and be kind to him—
invite him for dinner, give him little gifts, and do any-
thing to bring some happiness to his life—instead of
having these big goals for him. He said that setting
Be Grateful to Everyone 81