(^32) BODY LANGUAGE SECRETS Signs Of Interest 33
The shift usually takes place just after the person
moves from relaxed to erect and ready. Extremely
reliable no matter how difficult it is to notice.
LICKS HER LIPS
Sometimes done while she's preening. But usually
happens after a sustained exchange of signals. It is
a subconscious anticipation of your lips meeting. As
with most other signs, reliable only when following
other signals. Always used by Rapo players during
each and every encounter.
CLUSTERS OF GESTURES
Believe only half of what you see, and none of
what you hear, quoted at the beginning of this
chapter is exactly right when you are trying to see
what someone is nonverbally saying.
Study the picture in the first chapter titled Major
Cluster Of Gestures. One gesture is not a message.
One posture shift is not a message. One movement
is not a message. Look for three or more signs of in-
terest that appear in a cluster.
Men, for example, at a wedding reception, when
your eyes first meet, she holds your gaze, narrows
her eyes, shifts to a readiness posture, smiles, then
looks down to break off eye contact. "Great!" is what
you think. Whoa! Keep your pants on! Two clusters
are better than one.
Here's what really happened. She's as vain as I
am, so she doesn't wear her glasses. She thinks,
"Damn! Is that obnoxious Hymen Ross?" as she
squints slightly to see more clearly. Not sure, she
gets ready to rush for the bathroom before he
corners her, then feels guilty, gives a stiff smile and
looks down, slightly ashamed.
One cluster of gestures cannot be relied on. To be
certain of her interest, wait until you see another
cluster. However, when she first shows interest, re-
ciprocate with a cluster of your own. Shift your pos-
ture to erect, slightly narrow your eyes, then, after
you look away, adjust your tie.
After a few minutes walk toward the group of
people she is nearest to as if you are going to join
them. With your peripheral vision, notice her body
language as you get closer to her. She may relax
when she realizes you're not Hymen Ross and then
be awkward with embarrassment after realizing
how vanity made her act like a fool.
No matter what happens as you approach the
group, don't go over to her. Situate yourself where
you can make further eye contact. Look in her direc-
tion now and then. Send another cluster of gestures.
If she doesn't reciprocate, move on.
PRACTICE MAKES YOU AWARE
No matter where you are, the mall, a party, at the
office, in a bar, make it a habit to study couples and
small mixed groups. Become aware of the exchange
of signals. Don't listen to words! Study what and
how she's communicating and how he's responding.
Play a game with yourself or with a companion. Is
the brunette in the blue dress interested in the guy
wearing the Raiders cap? When he makes his move,
figure out how she used her postures and gestures
to get him to come over and talk with her.
Watch people until you're able to tell: (a) if he's in-
terested in the woman across the room or the one
he's talking with (b) how does she let him know he's
supposed to come over and talk with her (c) how
does she, or he, nonverbally announce the conversa-
tion is over?
Body Language Anecdote-Increase Your
Awareness Twenty some years ago, in the midst of
learning all about body language, I had a wonderful
friend who was tall, skinny, extremely flat chested,
pale and very plain looking. Beyond that, she loved
nancy kaufman
(Nancy Kaufman)
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