© 2003 – Carlos Xuma. – DD Publications – All Rights Reserved –
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Remember, every relationship ends up one of two ways: breakup, or marriage. Think
about it: Either you will be in a relationship that ends, or you will end during the relationship.
The End is where you need to cut the ties to this woman (or women) and move on to happier
hunting grounds. Sometimes this is easier said than done; sometimes it’s easier done than we’d
like to say. Whatever the situation, you need to have the strength and resolve to demonstrate
your independence. I won’t pretend to be able to tell you when to end it. This is a gray area for
everyone’s relationships. The one truth I’ve discovered about relationships, though, is that you
will learn more about yourself in the catalyst of a relationship than you will in almost any other
situation. It will bring out the best and worst in you, and very often we end them not because of
our unhappiness or the other person but because we’re too uncomfortable with ourselves and
the things we must face about ourselves to make it work.
Ultimately, you must know what your breaking point is and not let your self-esteem keep
you in a situation that could have painful – and possibly damaging – consequences. Emotional
and physical abuse are black-and-white for me, and I will tolerate absolutely none. Everything a
woman is or does should be run against your list of requirements, and you’ll have to see if the
results are worth the work.
In the movie “The Mexican” with Brad Pitt and Julia Roberts, the question is asked, “If
two people love each other, but they just can’t seem to get it together, when do you get to that
point of enough is enough?” And the answer given is “Never.” I don’t think this is necessarily
true. You have to know where to cut your losses.
One thing that you should keep in mind is that it’s always better to be the one breaking
up than the one being dumped. Most people find it very difficult to break up with someone,
usually out of fear of loss. They imagine that this is the only person available, and the pain of
going back into the singles world proves too much. This is your inner child fearing abandonment
and it is totally irrational.
There is a breakup progression that usually takes place near the end. This progression
usually goes something like this:
The man stops being a Dynamic Man (demonstrating the Three S’s) because he
figures he’s made it, why work? Another conquered.
The woman loses interest and attraction for him, gradually. He thinks she’s becoming
more comfortable in their relationship, but she’s really just bored.
They argue more often (usually about sex and how he’s not getting any), and she
starts to distance herself from him. He thinks that the way to get things back to the
way they were is to bug her about it rather than be the man she was attracted to in
the beginning.
Eventually, they can’t take it any longer and they break up because she either “wants
to see other people,” or “doesn’t think they’re right for each other.”
She’s dating another guy within a week because she had an emotional cushion lined
up several weeks ago. The man sits at home and cries in his beer.
I oversimplify here, but the point is still valid. If you want to keep her around, you’ll have
to expend some effort. (I’ll cover the Maintenance Plan in a bit.) If you want to move on, you can