© 2003 – Carlos Xuma. – DD Publications – All Rights Reserved –
Unauthorized duplication or distribution is strictly prohibited. Visit http://www.datingdynamics.com for more information.themselves throwing out or ignoring what they think they’re looking for when they find someone
that gets them hot and bothered. What I’m helping you to have in the early stages is self-
discipline, the will to stay detached enough to recognize when a woman has the traits (the
“compatibilities”) you want. The alternative is to jump headlong into dating or relationships
without regard, then finding you’ve become hopelessly entrenched with someone who is
incompatible in unhealthy or even poisonous ways to you.
The Truth is, compatibility over the long-term is a perception of your attraction for each
other, along with a complimentary interlocking of each person’s needs with the other’s ability to
meet them. We stay together over the long haul to the extent that we “fit” together, much like
pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. Compatibility cares little about “differences,” only differences that
compliment and work or differences that clash and don’t work.
I realize this flies in the face of all the Pundits out there that tell you that you should be
seeking out your soul-mate, your one True Love. Women fall for this particular illusion the most,
since it is highly romanticized that there is a single person out there to “complete them.” There is
no such person as just “The One.” There are many women who would be extremely attractive
to you and meet your personality requirements. It’s a romantic illusion (delusion) to think that
there is only one person in the world that would be a great match for you. Your objective is to
figure out your requirements in advance, and then start screening for the best candidate
women. You should understand that this first list I will ask you to create is merely a screening
tool. The true compatibility issues won’t surface until much later, if and when you decide to enter
into a long-term relationship with someone. That’s when you figure out if your soul really wants
to mate.
My feeling is that we have the healthiest relationships when we find the people who have
the faults and imperfections that we learn to appreciate as much as their good traits.