© 2003 – Carlos Xuma. – DD Publications – All Rights Reserved –
Unauthorized duplication or distribution is strictly prohibited. Visit http://www.datingdynamics.com for more information.Obsession causes you to make unhealthy decisions. When you date many women, you
have options. Options protect you from obsession. When you date one woman, you
have no options. The moral of this story is to date many women, until you can make a
decision that the one that shows the most promise deserves to be “the one.” Or not. The
point is that it’s now your choice instead of hers.5) You trigger her “exclusive” mechanism too early: Women don’t want to be exclusive
with any man right off the bat, and by focusing your attention on one woman, you will get
them believing this is your intention, even if you’re only thinking of them as temporary.
By focusing all on her, she intuits this to mean that you want a monogamous, long term
relationship, and this is never your objective until you’ve known her for several months.Remember: Date other women, never just one. If you find one that you really like, it’s
even more important that you find other women to date so that you don’t smother her with over-
attention.
Women don’t want needy men. Period. End of story. If you focus your attention on one
woman, you’ll be like a skier coming down the mountain with nothing but a pair of cardboard
tubes to look through – you’ll be a nervous wreck trying to keep perspective and avoid the trees,
and sooner or later you will lose it.
If you have a religious or other belief that tells you that you need to date only one
woman, I urge you to re-evaluate that belief. I’ve seen too many men fall into a miserable
relationship because he thought this woman was his be-all, end-all, and he discovers that she
isn’t what he expected. He consigns himself to a life of misery, telling himself that it’s really not
that bad. He asks permission to do everything and calls her “The Boss.” He signed on for the
program that said when he found a woman that would give him regular sex, she was the one to
marry and sign over any remaining dignity he had. Now he has to ‘check in’ with her for the rest
of his life. Some men get married just so they can slip into a complacent role, and they don’t
mind being dominated one bit. If that’s what you want, this material isn’t for you. I’ve seen them
at the end of their existence in these relationships, and it’s pitiful and degrading. Life is too short
to spend it in servitude. I believe in equal give and take in long-term relationships, always.
One more gruesome end result comes when men haven’t dated enough women overall,
much less at one time. I call these men the Serial Daters. He spends a lot of time focusing on
one woman, and usually has some success in finding a gal who is also a serial dater. He never
dates that many women to get comfortable with the process, usually because he doesn’t
understand enough about the dynamics to keep him active in the field. With each relationship he
agonizes over, he holds back a little more on the next. He lowers his effort and starts to spiral
into a slightly bitter, disillusioned state. His experience is that each cycle he goes through only
justifies his worst conceptions about dating:
- It’s painful, there’s just too much rejection
- When you find someone promising, it takes a long time to get anywhere
- There are so many games