Leading with NLP

Leadership Substance, Style and Shadow 45

Leadership and Relationship

Type of Leadership Dark Side

Authority ... recruit Boss ... conscript

Coach ... colleague Jehu ... slave

Teacher ... student Pedagogue ... stooge

Healer ... patient Quack ... victim

Steward ... guest Jailer ... prisoner

Designer ... apprentice Prima donna ... imitator

Role model ... follower Idol ... wannabe

Guru ... disciple Bigot ... proselyte

Leaders build community Bigots build cults

The difference between good leadership and its dark side
comes from the type of relationship that leaders build.
There are in fact three relationships:
First the relationship between the leader and the follow-
ers. Leaders build a relationship of trust and self-
development. Shadow leaders build a relationship of depen-
dence and submission.
Secondly, the relationship between the followers. Good
leaders build a relationship of trust and equality. Shadow
leaders build distrust and fatalism.
Thirdly, the relationship between the group and others
who do not share their goals or vision. Good leaders keep
the boundaries open. Shadow leaders close the borders.

pacing and leading

When you want to lead others, either professionally or in
your personal life, you have to start by acknowledging where
they are and what is true for them. Where are they starting
from? In NLP this is called ‘pacing’.