72 Leading with NLP
Aversion
This is ‘negative motivation’. It occurs when someone sets a
goal you don’t like and you react awayfrom it. What you are
asked to do may violate one of your values, it may be too
much hard work for too little return, the disadvantages may
outweigh the advantages, or you may simply hate the idea, so
you refuse to comply, unless forced. There are several ways of
refusal: you can say ‘no’ openly, or you may say nothing but
do nothing either, or you may accept from a misguided sense
of responsibility and then sabotage the task – covert refusal.
Being able to say ‘no’ is very valuable. It defines your
boundaries and your values. ‘No’ sets limits. When we are
children, it gives us our first independence, and if you have
recently been in the company of a two-year-old, you will
know just what I mean. Young children like to say ‘no’ on
principle every so often.
Doing nothing also has power – if you cannot influence
events by what you do, then at least you can block them. At
any age, refusal sets our boundaries, defines who we are and
what we stand for.
There has to be a compelling external reason to overcome
aversion, either high reward or very unpleasant conse-
quences. In extreme cases, nothing will work.
An insurance company approached a friend of mine to
train some of their direct marketing telephone salespeople.
They wanted NLP training to build rapport with customers
over the telephone, find out what they wanted and meet
objections more effectively. When he met their senior man-
agers in their oak-panelled meeting-room in the City of
London to discuss the project further, he found this was only
half the story. What they really wanted was to restructure
their organization. They were changing the nature of their
products and wanted to target more entrepreneurs who ran
their own businesses. The insurance sales agents had very
little training in this new market segment, let alone tele-
phone rapport skills.
My friend was sure that the company would not get what
they wanted from the sort of sales training they were asking