struggling. If I could do this well enough, then I would be likely to
experience an overall significant reduction in struggle after I got
out of bed. My review of past incidents when I had struggled went
on for a day or two more. I was starting to consider the project com-
plete and a return to activities more usual for me than spending
23.5 hours a day in bed.
“Wait a minute!” I thought. “What about the future?” By this
time I sensed that I had made peace with past experiences of strug-
gle and underlying helplessness; I found the feeling delightfully
empowering. I was beginning to experience the truth of the state-
ment that helplessness leads to power. As you might imagine, I was
strongly motivated to extend this new feeling of resourcefulness
into my future.
To ensure this, I spent several more days in bed making written
and mental lists of as many possible future situations where my ten-
dency to struggle might arise. I discovered that simply thinking
about these possible future scenarios where struggle was likely was
sufficient to bring up the feelings of helplessness that previously
had evaded my awareness. In the past I often was aware of feelings
related to events that had not happened yet (stage fright and fear of
rejection, for example), but the usefulness of this emotional phe-
nomenon had not occurred to me before. By accepting the help-
lessness associated with events that had not occurred yet, I could
make a definite change in how the future turned out. By seeing pos-
sible future events differently, I was training myself to respond dif-
ferently. At this point, I was able to understand that helplessness
had been a factor in all my troubling emotions. Anger can be well
characterized as determination contaminated by helplessness, fear
as helplessness to avoid unpleasant future events, and sadness as
helplessness to prevent loss.
Struggle is nonproductive action that produces only the inter-
nal result of suppressing helplessness. By this I mean that if you are
struggling, then you don’t have to face your feelings of helpless-
ness. You can tell yourself, “I am not helpless—at least I am strug-
gling.” Yet struggle (nonpurposeful action) serves only to continue
the suppression of helplessness.
For this reason, accepting my helplessness as a feeling instead of
fighting it as an unacceptable condition produced not only a signif-
icant increase in capability but also a sense of serenity about the
challenges I faced. I think it will for you, too.
No, I don’t think you will have to stay in bed for several weeks.112 Stop Wasting Your Energy