THE ART OF MINI-DATING
“I’ve hit a wall,” I said.
David and I were sitting at a Hometown Buffet in Wittier California. It was a good 40
minute drive from where I lived to get out to where David was holed up, going to school
in Wittier, but we alternated taking trips to hang out with one another.
The Hometown Buffet was the closest restaurant to his apartment, and though it wasn’t
the best food in the world, it was relaxed and we could take our time there.
“What kind of wall are you hitting?” he asked between bites of salad.
“I’m getting all these dates, right?” I said. “I mean, I’m going broke because I’m going
out on so many dates. But it’s taking so long to get anywhere with any of the girls. At
this rate, I might get to second base in a month or two.”
I grimaced and poked at my mashed potatoes violently.
“Okay, let’s look at this,” said David. “You’re meeting a lot of women, going out on lots
of dates. That’s good. But the real question is: what are your dates like?”
“They’re... I don’t know – dates! Dinner and a movie, that kind of stuff.”
“So you meet somewhere, like a restaurant, eat, and then go to a movie, and then what?”
“Then, that’s it,” I said. “She goes home, I go home and jerk off.”
David laughed. “All right, it’s pretty obvious what your problem is here,” he said.
“Please, enlighten me,” I said, half-joking.
“You’re not taking full advantage of your dates,” he said.
I blinked at him.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“Well, first of all, look at what you’re doing for a good two hours of the date – you’re
going to a movie. In other words, you’re sitting in a dark room, not paying attention to
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