Eric nodded. “So that’s what I’ve been doing wrong all this time,” he said. “I’ve
portrayed myself as the safe friend and have been getting pigeonholed each and every
time.”
I nodded. “You’re not the only one. Millions of men make this mistake.”
“So what’s the solution?” asked Eric. “Is there one?”
“There is,” I said. “But it might not be one you want to hear. See, the best way to go
about avoiding this pitfall is to create attraction BEFORE friendship. Don’t try to hide
behind a web of deceit about your intentions. Be upfront about it before you commit
yourself to being friends with her.”
“Why would I not want to hear that?” asked Eric.
“Because, when you do this, you can find out very quickly whether you have a chance
with this girl or not,” I said. “You’re going to find out very quickly whether she is
interested in you, or if she isn’t. If she isn’t, you can try being friends with her, but
regardless, you’re going to feel that sting of rejection if you’re not her type.”
“Well, that sounds better than spending months agonizing over a girl who only sees you
as a friend,” said Eric.
“Yeah, but most guys don’t see it that way,” I said. “They fear the initial rejection when
in the long run it saves them a lot of pain and suffering. It’s like the difference between
tossing a frog into a hot pan, or putting it in a cool pan and slowly cooking it over time.
The first experience hurts, but you get out of it quickly. The second experience is long,
painful, drawn out, and sometimes you can never recover from it.”
Eric nodded. “I see your point now,” he said.
I smiled. “Look, I’m not saying you can’t be friends with the girl. In fact, it’s extremely
hard to be in a relationship with someone you’re not friends with. So just trust friendship
will come in time. But don’t try to bypass the hard work of establishing attraction with
the girl before you allow friendship to enter into things, because if that’s the case, you’re
going to be cooked slow, just like the frog.”
A few days after our conversation, Eric took my advice. He began to flirt with the new
receptionist, and eventually invited her out to drinks after work. She accepted, and he
ended up making out with her that night. This lead to more dates, and eventually the
relationship he wanted.
I’m convinced that had he followed his usual routine, this would not have been the case.
I’ve been through situations like this too many times myself to know that the “friends
first” mentality is a bad one.
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