The men who lose their virginity later on often have difficulties with women. They don’t
seem to understand how to attract them, how to connect with them, or what role sex plays
in a relationship.
Sometimes this problem with holding onto virginity stems from fear of women, fear of
sex, laziness, or guilt and misconceptions instilled by religion.
One particular conversation I had about virginity was with a man named Kevin. Kevin
was a 35 year old who’d never had sex, and he came to me deeply depressed. This
conversation is very typical of others I’ve had with men who were still virgins.
“I feel like there’s something wrong with me,” said Kevin. “I feel as though everyone
else has had sex but me. I have to lie to my friends about girls I’ve been with.”
“Why do you lie to them about it?” I asked.
“I don’t know. I don’t think they’d care if I was a virgin, but I care. I feel really insecure
about it. You ever see that movie The Forty Year Old Virgin? That’s me! It’s pathetic.”
“Let me ask you a question,” I said. “Is there something you do that you really excel at?
Something you’d consider you’re very good at doing?”
“Yeah, I’m a pretty good poker player,” he replied.
“So you play poker a lot and win a lot of money doing it?” I asked.
“Sure,” said Kevin. “I play it online all the time. It’s fun.”
“Okay, so if someone like me, who knows nothing about poker, went online and started
playing, and lost every single hand I played, never winning the pot, would you think I
was pathetic?”
“No, I’d just think you’re an inexperienced player, but that’s different from what we’re
talking about.”
“Is it?” I asked. “Poker is a game, right? Can anyone who takes the time to learn the
rules and develop their skills play the game well?”
“Sure,” Said Kevin.
“So if I took the time to study Poker, learn what to do and when to do it, and people saw
me improve and I eventually started winning a few hands – you’d say that would be
possible?”
“Yeah, of course,” said Kevin. “But I don’t see what this has to do with my being a
virgin at 35.”
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