“Every virgin I ever meet is ashamed of being a virgin. He’s ashamed of not having sex,
no matter what age he is. It makes him feel inferior. Less than a man. There’s this
concept out there that losing your virginity will CHANGE you. Turn you into a real man.
Everything in our culture supports this. How many times have we seen characters who
have sex on TV or in movies suddenly start to act different? They go from being a geeky
loser to a cool, funny guy with a suddenly deep voice.”
Kevin laughed at this.
“See?” I said. “You know what I’m talking about.”
“Yeah,” replied Kevin. “But still, I want my first time to be special. Isn’t that something
worth waiting for?”
“But here’s the rub...” I continued. “Sex is never special. There’s never an exactly right
moment to have sex. It’s not like it is on TV or the movies. Sex is hot, sweaty, and
clumsy for the most part. So to wait for sex to be special is to be waiting a long, long,
time. As you’ve discovered.
See, you have to get past this notion that fairy tales are actually reality. Religion put
these ideas into our heads centuries ago as a form of birth control. They didn’t want
women running around getting pregnant due to the nomadic culture at the time, because
women were a commodity to be traded and bartered with.
So to protect that commodity, sex was elevated from what it really is, to something
almost supernatural. Something that’s so special, you can’t talk about it until you’re
married. And that concept eventually found its way into regular culture. But understand:
It’s not true. Right now, your lack of experience with sex is holding you back.”
“How so?” asked Kevin.
“Do you know what sex is like?” I asked.
“I think so,” said Kevin. “I mean, I’ve seen porn before.”
“Then you don’t really know what its like,” I said. “Real sex is very rarely like porn.
You have these conceptions in your head about it, but you don’t really know. And do
you know what humans experience when they don’t know something?”
“What?” asked Kevin.
“Fear,” I said. “People are afraid of what they do not know. And fear causes people to
act irrationally. Ask yourself: How many opportunities with women have you blown
because you suddenly got afraid?”
“Too many to count,” said Kevin.
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