Chapter 7: Creating Rapport 117
Discovering how to break rapport sensitively
Three particular changes to your behaviour can enable you to break rapport
in the short term:✓ How you look and move physically: You can move physically away
from someone, break eye contact, or use a facial expression to commu-
nicate your message. Raised eyebrows say a lot. Turning your back is
even more powerful, so beware of doing this action inadvertently!
✓ How you sound: You can change your voice intonation or volume: make
it louder or softer, high or low, and remember the power of silence.
✓ The words you say: Remember that useful little phrase, ‘no, thank you’.
Sometimes it can be the hardest to say, so practise for when you need it.
In multi-cultural settings, switching to your native language when you’ve
been working in a common language is another clear way of saying, ‘I
need a break now.’
You’re going to want to say ‘thank you’ and ‘goodbye for now’ plenty of
times. Notice which situations are easier for you to handle and those that
need some practice:✓ You’re closing a deal: Salespeople momentarily break connection with
a customer at the point of signing a contract. They walk away and leave
the customer to look at the paperwork alone instead of becoming con-
nected to that final signing in the customer’s eyes. This approach helps
to maintain rapport in the long term if a buyer’s remorse sets in.
✓ You have enough information: Maybe your brain has filled up for the
moment and you’re heading into sensory overload. You want time to
think and digest what you’ve heard and come back for the next instal-
ment later.
✓ You see someone else you want to talk to: Perhaps you’re at a drinks
party and become stuck with the ultimate bore and someone much more
attractive is at the other side of the room.
✓ You’re tired: All good things come to an end, and you need to know
when the time has come for the party to end and head home.
✓ You’re busy: At any one time you’re going to experience a number
of demands on your energy. Focus and hold on to your own outcome
rather than satisfying someone else’s.
✓ You’re getting into tricky subject areas: Sex, politics, and religion are all
good subjects to avoid in a business negotiation. They also cause overly
lively dinner-party conversations where you may want to blow the whis-
tle, call time out, and agree to differ when discussions get heated.