228 Part III: Opening the Toolkit
Listening to your unconscious mind
As with any communication, if you understand that self-sabotage is just your
unconscious mind’s way of trying to communicate with you, you can assist
it by examining the positive intention behind the behaviour that’s stopping
you from achieving your goal. You can then substitute the self-defeating
behaviour with something more positive, which satisfies the intent of the
unconscious mind. For instance, the smoker who wants to stop but contin-
ues smoking because unconsciously they crave the companionship of their
friends who smoke, can satisfy their need for friendship by developing a new
group of non-smoking friends or by undertaking a new activity that helps
them develop a circle of friends with a healthier lifestyle.
Taking sides
When two parts of your unconscious mind are in conflict, the chances are
that your conscious mind sides with one part or the other, making a judge-
ment that one’s bad and suppressing it by sheer force of will. The result is
similar to what happens when you squeeze a balloon. If the balloon isn’t
blown up to capacity, as you squeeze one end the air pushes the balloon out
in another direction. If the balloon is filled to capacity, you just get a bang as
you squeeze. Similarly, as you suppress a part of you, the suppressed part
shows up as an aberrant behaviour, physical symptom (balloon distortion),
or a breakdown (the bang).
Fiona suffered so badly from eczema that she kept her body well covered.
In therapy, she came to realise that the symptoms were a consequence of
having been bullied at school, where all she ever wanted to do was hide.
Now her unconscious mind, in its own unique way, was presenting her with a
means to hide.
In Fiona’s case the part that wanted to hide her from the bullies created a
physical symptom, which meant she had to keep her body covered. After the
therapy brought conscious awareness, previously failed medical treatments
worked well. However, the eczema does flare up when Fiona is under stress,
so she has developed strategies (see Chapter 12 for more on strategies) to
manage her time and energy better.
Becoming Whole: Integrating Your Parts
Not all parts of the unconscious mind are in conflict with each other. You
become aware of the ones that are in conflict, however, when you encounter
problems such as wanting to be healthy and still craving cigarettes, or want-
ing to be slim but not being able to control binge-eating. You can deal with
these conflicting parts as and when they surface.
