Chapter 15: Getting to the Heart of the Matter: The Meta Model 249
✓ Bear in mind that rapport always comes first. Without rapport, nobody
listens to you. For information on building rapport, head to Chapter 7.
✓ Remember that people need to trust you before they’re ready to open
up on difficult issues. So pace their timing. You can find more informa-
tion on pacing and leading people in Chapter 7.
✓ Make sure that you’re clear about what you’re trying to achieve – your
outcome – while you ask questions, otherwise you can get overloaded
with irrelevant information and cease to be helpful.
✓ Soften your voice and be sensitive in your questioning. Feed the ques-
tions gently into conversations and meetings rather than firing them like
a market researcher in the street.
✓ Try the Meta Model out on yourself before you rush off to sort out
your family and friends uninvited. Go steady. Like Tom in the following
example, they may wonder what’s happening and not thank you for your
new-found interest.
On Friday nights Andrew winds down after a busy week working in the City
with a beer at his favourite pub in the picturesque village where he lives. After
taking an NLP training course, he was enthusiastic to try out the Meta Model.
His drinking partner, Tom, an architect, talked about the week he’d had, and
especially about a major argument with a colleague over an important project.As Tom began his tale with ‘I’ll never work with him again,’ Andrew ques-
tioned the generalisation with: ‘What never? Are you sure? What would
happen if you did?’Tom looked puzzled and responded with: ‘Our partnership isn’t going to
work; communication has just broken down.’Delighted to spot not one but two nominalisations in one sentence (check out
the earlier sidebar ‘Abstract nouns and the wheelbarrow test’ for a descrip-
tion of nominalisations), Andrew jumped in with: ‘How would you like to be a
partner with this guy? And how may you be able to communicate?’To which Tom was aghast and said: ‘Look, you’re normally on my side.
What’s going on?’In his keenness to try out NLP, Andrew forgot to match and pace his friend
and ease in gently with some subtle use of the Meta Model. All Tom really
wanted that night was to have a good moan to a friend who would listen and
sympathise.The value of the Meta Model lies in gaining clarity. Watch out for the danger of
getting more information than you can handle. Instead, pause to consider the
outcome you’re seeking before asking the next question.