Chapter 18: Asking the Right Questions 279
Imagine that you’re a manager coaching or mentoring a colleague or
employee at work. In a coaching session, beginning with a clear aim in mind
is essential. Therefore, you may quite reasonably ask ‘What do we want to
work on today?’The question is simple, direct, and focuses attention on the shared
understanding that you’re working on something. Your words set out the
intention for the type of interaction you’re sharing: this isn’t just a friendly
chat, we have work to do today. This question is a ‘better’ opening in the
context of this section than asking ‘Shall we work out why you haven’t
finished the project as fast as Fred?’, because you’re giving the other person
some space to think and bring real live challenges to the discussion.Coaching is about exploring and challenging clients, leading them on to
take responsibility and commit to action. Clean questions help you achieve
these aims. Any suggestions you include must be phrased in such a way that
people think for themselves, instead of being influenced by your own bias.So, an even cleaner opening question that directs a client to think carefully
for themselves may be: ‘What would you like to have happen?’Curiosity may have killed the cat, as the saying goes, but a different
perspective may be that curiosity is the pathway to understanding. You
choose which saying suits you best.Fishing for answers
A therapist was working with a client who told
her that she’d had a dream. All the client was
able to remember was that it was raining and
she’d been to a restaurant. Then she woke up
feeling hot and anxious:
Therapist: ‘Oh, so your dream was about fish,
was it?’
Client: ‘I don’t know.’
Therapist: ‘But you know that you were in a
restaurant?’
Client: ‘That’s right.’
Therapist: ‘And it’s likely fish was on the menu?’
Client: ‘Yes, most restaurants have fish on the
menu.’Therapist: ‘And it was raining, so that could
represent water and fish swimming in water?’
Client: ‘Well, yes, you’re right.’Therapist: ‘Sounds like we’re getting closer.
Perhaps you were feeling like a fish that had
been caught and then cooked, even? What’s
that all about?’
Of course, this story is fiction and reality is
quite different. But the story shows how easily
you can find yourself listening to one point and
then leading somebody into your subjective
interpretation of the facts.